


In the time of my disappearance

by traumschwinge



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Mafia AU, Multi, Physical Abuse, Psychological Torture, Sexual Abuse, Triggers, Villain!Romano
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2017-12-22 16:13:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traumschwinge/pseuds/traumschwinge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mobster Lovino Vargas held his rival in love captured for over a year. He used the time well not only to gain the love of Antonio but also to torture and abuse his victim. Too bad that one day the police found the hide-out where he had kept Roderich imprisoned. Having his favorite nemesis on his heels with a witness doesn't bother him too much, though. Lovino has a plan and he won't let the people around him know anything about his job. </p><p>This is a ff that has two POW per chapter and thus two interwoven storylines. A Mobster-Lovino storyline and a Gilbert-Roderich storyline. You have been told.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ichihara_mina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ichihara_mina/gifts).



> The first 6 chapters are about one and a half years old. I posted this before on ff.net and my lifejournal but since I picked it up again, I'll post it here as well. Especially since the format works here as I want it to.
> 
> And there's one thing I want to repeat in case someone didn't read the tags. This is an angst fic. Roderich is not okay and won't be in any of the chapters I wrote up to now. If that triggers you, DON'T READ!

Roderich didn't even know what happened to him. He had been walking down a street when a van had stopped next to him. Then, the van's door had opened and strong hands had pulled him inside. It had happened so fast that Roderich didn't even have the time to struggle before he was drugged. Then, everything went black.

When he woke again, he was tied to a post. Someone had removed his glasses or he had lost them. He didn't know but they were missing.

Still, he looked around in the room. It was hot and damp in here and the only light was from some rays though the floor. There was no furnishing, nothing at all. He could only guess that he was in some attic. But where this was he didn't know.

He must have fallen asleep again for he was rudely woken with a slap to his face.

"Wake up, bastard!" a young voice shouted. Then, again, Roderich was slapped.

Roderich opened his eyes. He couldn't see the face of the man before him clearly due to the bad lighting and his missing glasses. What he could see was that the other was young. He was tanned and his hair was of a reddish brown.

"Finally, asshole," the man snorted. "So, what do you have to say to defend yourself?"

"Defend myself? I don't even know ... What have I done wrong?" Roderich murmured. He still had difficulties to think straight. But even his dizzy mind had understood that he was in serious trouble. He had been kidnapped and tied in an empty attic. This couldn't be good.

"You're existing, that's what," the man sneered. He hit Roderich again.

"That's not my fault!"

"But you could have done something." A knife in the young man's hand caught Roderich's attention as it reflected some light from below.

"No," he stammered. "No, please. Don't kill me. Please! I'll do whatever you tell me. But please let  
me live."

"See, that's a start," the man grinned. He cut Roderich's shirt open but didn't cut the skin. "I need you to be gone. I want you to be gone. But I loath you so killing you would be too much mercy to be fun. I want you to suffer. I'll make your body forget that you ever had a caring boyfriend."

The knife went down to Roderich's pants and cut them open as well. Finally, he tried to struggle but in vain. The young man simply pressed his feet to the floor with one hand. The knife pressed against the skin of his throat.

"Don't," the man hissed. "You don't want me to cut your precious pale skin, do you?"

Roderich stopped struggling and was released. The knife didn't move, though.

"I wonder what he sees in you," the man hissed. "You're nothing better than any bitch. No, you're even worse, bastard. You don't even do it on purpose. But I'll teach you. You're nothing more than a slut. So be a good whore and open your legs or I'll slit your damned throat."

Too afraid to struggle, Roderich obeyed. He shut his eyes and waited for it to be over. His thoughts clung to the memory of Antonio, his boyfriend. It helped to bear the pain, though it made him feel worse inside. It was like he was cheating on him. Teats rolled down his cheeks but he remained silent. He wouldn't give this man that triumph, at least.

When it was finally over, Roderich slipped down on the floor and laid there, crying. He felt gross, dirty.

"Antonio, I'm so sorry," he whispered over and over again.

"Yeah, you should be, whore," the man sneered. By the sounds of it he was redoing his belt. With a last kick to Roderich's stomach, he left his victim to his tears and pains.

 

The following days, weeks, months - Roderich had soon lost trace of time since there was always light in the room below - passed slowly and without much variation. Once or twice a day a man looking like a bear brought him some food and water. Occasionally, the young man, who Roderich now assumed to be the leader of a gang or worse, would come to yell at him, to hit him and abuse him.

 

After some time, he had been untied and was now free to wander around the attic. There wasn't much to see there, though. Only some long forgotten rubbish lay in a corner and there was dust everywhere.

There were also a bucket and an old mattress one of the bears had brought him after he had been untied.

 

Once, only once had Roderich tried to make notice in the hope someone would hear him and come to rescue or at least call the police. It had earned him a broken rib and several bruises. At least they had called for a doctor, though the doctor seemed to be on of them and didn't speak more than necessary to Roderich. After this, he didn't try to make people outside take notice of him.

 

As time passed, the young man seemed to get more violent towards him. He also talked more about Antonio. When it had gotten so bad that Roderich feared that he could unintentionally get killed, the young man stopped visiting.

Roderich couldn't say that he missed him. He missed a lot of things locked up in this attic, starting with Antonio, with who the young man seemed so obsessed. He wanted to see his innocent smile again. He wanted to hear him talk about the stupidest things. He missed him so much he could cry non-stop hadn't tears run dry a long time ago.

 

Spring and summer had passed, he could tell by the temperatures in the attic. It had been spring when they had taken him. A while ago, the attic had been incredibly hot – almost too hot to bear – and airless. He had had difficulties to breathe at some hours. During this time, he could at least tell the difference between day and night, for the night was cooler and the air breathable. And now, the days had gotten cooler again as well. A lot of times he had heard rain patter against the roof lately.

 

In mid-fall, the young man came for a visit again. He had a smug smile on his face and seemed to be in a dangerously good mood. Roderich flinched away. This couldn't be good.

"Get up and come with me," the young man commanded. "You'll take a shower and get dressed because I want to show you something. Don't even think about doing something funny. I won't leave you by yourself."

He waited at the door for Roderich to follow him. His steps unstable from the long time in such confined space, Roderich staggered after the young man down a narrow staircase and through a hallway to a cramped little bathroom. Some clothes and fresh towels laid on the floor. Just like the hallway, everything in this bathroom looked old and barely used. This fitted the impression Roderich had had of the house. Nobody actually lived here.

"You got 20 minutes," the young man announced before he closed the door and locked it from the outside.

Immediately, Roderich stepped into the shower. The water was warm. He couldn't say that he had expected this. It was a relief to be finally able to shower again. To wash away the dirt from his body. At least the dirt on his body. After he was clean again, he stayed inside the shower for some more time and simply enjoyed the warm water on his skin. When he felt like he had showered for about 15 minutes, he stepped out. He didn't dare to be not ready when the young man returned. He might have been in a good mood but to Roderich it seemed like only malice could come from that mood.

He toweled himself and then inspected the clothes. Clothes! How had he missed clothes. It felt like an eternity since he had worn anything for the last time. His hands shook as he took up the pants and then the shirt and dressed himself. It felt so good. Yet he wondered how long it would take before they would be cut off his body again.

As the door was opened again, he was fully dressed and sitting on the rim of the bathtub. His eyes were closed. Standing for a long time did exhaust him quite much and he was tried now. When the young man entered, he opened his eyes again.

"Follow me," the man commanded. "We'll go downstairs. There you will stay in a room and watch. You'll make no noise or I will make sure you won't ever have the chance to make a noise again. But since I don't trust you bastard, I'll gag you and leave one of my men with you. To ensure you will watch. To finally break you." They had walked down the stairs into a small room, furnished only with a chair. There was some sort of window in one wall, just as big as a dressing mirror. The chair was facing towards the window through which a room looking like a living room could be seen. "Sit down," the young man commanded. "You see, today, I’ve invited your … ex-boyfriend Antonio over." His smile turned a little wicked at this word.

Roderich felt a sting to his heart. Ex-boyfriend? Did that mean Antonio, the one person he missed more than anything, for whom he had tried to endure this to one day meet him again, had stopped searching, waiting for him? His feet gave way and he dropped on the chair. No, this couldn't be. This simply couldn't.

"He has been dating some else for quite a while," the young man went on, smiling his wicked smile. "Me. And now he finally wants to visit me at home. Seems like he's forgotten you, jackass. Nobody's searching for you, bastard. They've all just long given up on you. Poor little whore, all think you're dead. Even your dear Antonio. But don't worry, I'll take care of his grief just fine."

And with this, he left. Roderich stayed on the chair, staring at the floor. He couldn't muster even the strength to look up as someone else entered this room, nor as he was gagged from behind. The person had to tilt his head up and made him look through the window just as the young man entered the room on the other side with … Antonio.

Roderich's heart skipped a beat.

His boyfriend – he still couldn't think of Antonio as his ex – looked like he had always done. Or would have if Roderich hadn't known him so well. He had a sad air around him. But on the other hand, he was also smiling at that young man like he had only smiled at Roderich before. Tears started rolling down Roderich's cheeks, dripping on the floor.

Through the window, he could hear every word that was spoken in the other room.

"I'm glad you finally invited me over, Lovino," Antonio said as he sat down with the man on the couch. Roderich shook with silent tears. They were cuddling. To him, it was proof enough that Antonio had really stopped searching for him.

"I wanted to be alone with you," purred the young man … no, Lovino. "As I said, I want to lick your wounds. I'll make you forget and take care that your smile will never stop again. I won't leave you. Ever."

With this, they kissed. Roderich tried to turn away from this sight but he couldn't, his head was held in position by strong hands. So he could only close his eyes. Soon, he wished to be able to close his ears as well. He didn't want to hear these moans. He didn't want to hear Antonio's husky voice whispering the name of someone else. He didn't want to hear his dear dear Antonio scream in pleasure because of another man.

 

Roderich didn't know when it was finally over. Nor did he know when or how he had gotten back into the attic. He didn't notice for a long time that he was lying on the mattress and shook with tears. He didn't care anymore. All he wanted was for this to be over. He wanted it all to be over, one way or another. He didn't care anymore whether he died in this dusty attic or saw the sky above him again.

 

Starting that day when he had seen Antonio, Roderich had stopped eating. He would have stopped drinking as well but he couldn't force himself to do so. It was the only way he saw to end this all. He wanted to die.

Every other day, someone came and tried to make him eat at first. As this didn't work out, they changed the water to some weird drinks which smelled horrible and tasted like puréed meals. When he would not drink those, some of Lovino's men would make him. He didn't stand a chance.

Like this, fall passed and it got cold in the attic.

 

They brought him sheets and blankets but there was no heating and so he still froze. He didn't care about this. He couldn't really feel it. It was like it was felt by somebody else or like his head was filled with cotton.

 

Like this, the winter passed and eventually it became warmer again.

~*~

He had a good feeling when he entered this house. His unit had observed it for some days now and they knew that there was no one inside at this hour of day. Still, some of his fellow policemen were right at his heel to watch his back.

Gilbert was glad they had received this lead. He had been searching for his brother's friend for a whole year now. Ever since he had heard about this. And then his best friend Elizabeta and his buddy Antonio had asked him to look for that man as well.

It hadn't been easy at first. There were no witnesses, no traces, not even a single lead. It was like the earth had opened up and swallowed this man whole. Eventually, Elizabeta had stopped asking, as well as his brother. Even Antonio had stopped to call him every day and ask after half a year.

And then suddenly, Antonio had started seeing someone new. That had been in fall. It had taken until January before Gilbert found out, whom. This had been the first lead. His boyfriend vanished into thin air and only a few months later, he started dating a Mafioso. The infamous Lovino Vargas. Okay, to most people, he was a good and innocent civilian who had never done anything wrong, but Gilbert knew that he was suspected of quite a few major crimes. This was when he had started searching all hide-outs of Vargas he knew about.

Which had taken him here. Together with his colleagues, he searched the ground floor and then the rest of the house. Every room was empty. There was no one there, they couldn't find any hidden room or prisons either.

He had just sent his men away, as he noticed a concealed door at the end of the hallway on the top floor. Carefully, slowly he opened it. His weapon held in front of him in his outstretched arm, he climbed the staircase. There was no noise from above.

The attic was empty, save for some rugs in a corner of the room. He carefully looked around to make sure there was no one hidden to attack him out of the darkness. Then, he changed his weapon for a flashlight. He wanted to examine the rugs.

As he sneaked closer, a dreadful suspicion rose inside his heart. The rugs looked awfully like a human body. As he stood only a few steps away, the light of his flashlight pointed on the rugs, this suspicion was confirmed.

Please, please, please, let him be still alive, Gilbert prayed silently.

He got down to his knees next to the body. His hands shaking, he pulled the dirty blanket away and felt for a pulse. When he found it, he was indescribably relieved. Thank god he was still alive…

Gilbert picked Roderich up. He was so incredibly light. Gilbert carried him down the stairs and to the ground floor, out of the house.

"Help!" he yelled. "I found someone. We need help! Call the medics, quick!"

The whole time until the ambulance arrived, Gilbert held the unconscious Roderich in his arms, pressed to his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All chapter descriptions and warnings are just copy and paste from my LJ.
> 
> Roderich wakes up at a hospital but he's haunted by the past year being imprissioned by Lovino. Gilbert comes to visit him. 
> 
> Lovino finds out about the hide-out. Needless to say, he's not amused.

When Roderich woke up, he didn’t know where he was or whether he was still dreaming or not. This place looked so unreal. There was light, light everywhere around him, on the ceiling, reflecting from the walls, even the floor seemed to be shining. Everything looked so clean. Though there was sound, he couldn’t recognize a spoken word and there wasn’t any music. He was lying in a soft bed, so soft that he could barely move. 

Someone entered the room. Roderich instinctively flinched and tried to hide under the blanket. During the past year, someone entering the room had never meant anything good. And just because he wasn’t in that dusty attic anymore didn’t mean he was save. It could be just a trick. They had moved him to a hospital to keep him alive so Lovino could hurt him more. Or for whatever reason he had been kept alive during the last weeks.

The nurse walked over to his bed. Now he was hiding under the blanket and couldn’t see her anymore but he could hear her steps drawing nearer. He didn’t want her to, he wanted her to go away and leave him alone. He was better off alone. He still wished for everyone would leave him to himself so he could just die.

“Mr Edelstein?” the nurse asked. “Mr Edelstein, are you … why are you hiding under your blanket?”

“Leave me alone,” Roderich croaked. His mouth felt so dry he had to gulp. And then he gulped a few times more because it was still so dry. He didn’t dare to leave his hiding place, the world under the blanket felt somewhat safer than the outside. And he didn’t even know why.

“Mr Edelstein, you can’t …” she sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll get the doctor but I will tell him that you aren’t very cooperative!” She made it sound like a severe threat. Then, she left. 

Roderich didn’t put his blanket down before he heard the door shut. He was finally able to breathe again, even though his hearth still raced. Was he in trouble? Would that doctor punish him for hiding from that nurse? A doctor wasn’t allowed to hurt his patients, right? But if Lovino paid him, Roderich doubted that doctor would think of his oath in the first place rather than of his life.

 

The doctor arrived at the room half an hour later. It had been enough time for Roderich to remember a lot of bad and even worse things Lovino’s men had done to him. He was sure he wouldn’t let the doctor touch him. He would fight back, even though he didn’t feel like he had the strength to do that. 

But the doctor didn’t touch him. He only sat on the chair next to Roderich’s bed and talked. He talked in a calm voice. At first, Roderich listened and just didn’t answer. The doctor questioned him about how his body felt, he talked about how he had treated him so far, told him that he didn’t need to hide under the blanket since he was now totally save. Roderich didn’t believe a single word about the last part. 

Then, the doctor talked about the policeman who had saved him and Roderich stopped listening. He didn’t care about his saviour, he didn’t care that that man had held his hand during the whole ride to the hospital and even longer. He didn’t care that that man had stayed by his side all the time. 

In Roderich’s opinion, that man wasn’t a hero. That man was the worst villain ever.

Eventually, the doctor left. But Roderich wasn’t alone for long. Soon, the doctor returned and some other man followed at his heels. But by the questions this man asked, Roderich assumed that he was a psychologist. Like he hadn’t responded to the doctor, he didn’t respond to the psychologist either. In the end, they left again and Roderich had some hours to himself again. 

This left him finally some time to think about his situation. So, he had been rescued by a policeman and then brought to this hospital. He had been unconscious at that time. He couldn’t remember much of the past weeks. Maybe it had even months. He started to wonder why the nurse and the doctor had known his name. How had he been identified? And more importantly, who had identified him? He didn’t know and he couldn’t even guess.

 

Some hours later, when he had only been interrupted by the nurse bringing him lunch he didn’t touch, the door opened again and a young, uniformed man entered. His hair was white; he was well-build and had a moody expression on his face. This time, Roderich didn’t hide under the blanket. A police man couldn’t be one of Lovino’s men, could he?

The policeman scuffled over to the chair and slumped down on it. Then, he stared at Roderich. He didn’t say a word for a long time, he just stared.

And Roderich stared back. If that man was whom he assumed to be he wouldn’t say a word to him. 

“So, you’re finally awake?” the man said. 

Roderich didn’t react but simply kept on staring at his counterpart. 

“Okay, you don’t talk to me?” The police man sighed. “Fine. I understand that. I saw the house, I was in that attic. I’ve seen you there. I understand that you don’t want to talk and that you don’t trust me. But at least, hear me out. I won’t question you about Lovino Vargas today, even though my boss would like me to. And actually, I want to question you so bad because I need a lead on this guy. But I won’t because if I stress you out, Elizabeta will kill me.”

Roderich furrowed his brows. Elizabeta? How did this guy know her? He felt tears well up in his eyes. He had missed her so much, all the past year when he hadn’t been thinking about Antonio. As the first tear rolled down his cheek, he hid his face in his hands.

The police man patted his back. “There, there,” he murmured. “Don’t cry. She’ll come to see you tomorrow. She promised. And I will see to it that she’s allowed to see you. You’ll have to thank her. And my brother. Because of them, I was searching for you. All this time, I was searching because they didn’t allow me to stop. They missed you. So get better soon, understood?”

Roderich nodded. He couldn’t look this man in the eye. He wanted to talk to him about everything, just because he’d said that he hadn’t been forgotten. He even forgave him the rescue – at least for now. “I wanted to die in that attic,” he finally croaked. 

“Don’t,” the police man said. “Don’t push yourself. I don’t wanna hear it yet. It’s not that I can’t understand this. That place … try to forget it. I know you never will, because I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. But try. I don’t want to see Elizabeta cry anymore because that’s really really creeping me out.”

An awkward silence followed. They both thought about Elizabeta crying. Then, they shook their heads to get rid of this thought almost at the same time. They looked at each other. The police man laughed. 

“I’m Gilbert Beilschmidt, by the way,” he then said. “I think you know my little brother.”

Roderich nodded. Of course he knew Ludwig. They had been friends in his other life, the life he had lived before … before he had met Lovino. Again, he couldn’t fight back his tears. It felt so unreal. He still couldn’t believe that he was finally free again, that he was still alive, that there still were people who cared about him. He didn’t dare to believe it. How many times had he already dreamed about being free again. And every time, he’d woken in that attic again. 

“I don’t know where to go when I’m better,” he whispered. “I don’t know what to do. My life’s gone.”

 

When Gilbert finally left the room, Roderich had fallen asleep again. For the last hours he had sat by the bed and just patted the other man’s back, trying to sooth him a bit. There wasn’t much he could do for him right now. 

He slammed his fist against a wall. Damn!

He wanted to make Vargas pay for this. For everything he had done to Roderich. But he needed prove to make him pay. He couldn’t just go there and shoot him. Not only because it was both stupid and suicidal but also because he was a policeman and policemen didn’t just shoot the bad guy, they arrested him and let a judge deal with him. That was how it was supposed to work. 

He was afraid to tell Elizabeta and Ludwig about the horrible state Roderich was in. They should see it for themselves. He wouldn’t tell Antonio yet. He hadn’t told him and had asked both his brother and Elizabeta to keep Roderich’s rescue a secret for now. Deep down, he knew that he was angry at Antonio as well, that he was also a bit jealous of him. 

By what Roderich had told him, he could tell that Roderich still loved Antonio. It hurt to see, but he still loved him. 

This made Gilbert want to get Lovino Vargas for all this shit even more. 

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

When Lovino returned to that house and found the police standing outside, he was furious. How did they dare to meddle with his business? He stood on a roof some roads south and watched the cars come and go. 

There had been no medics there in the time he had watched so he couldn’t be sure whether they had found the attic or not. If they hadn’t, maybe then his prisoner would finally get what he wanted and just die. But he doubted that. Beilschmidt – and Lovino was pretty sure it had been this wretched policeman who had started this – was too clever not to notice a hidden door. Not when he did want proof, not when he wanted to finally get his hands on him.

Lovino smiled to himself. That proof … he wouldn’t get it this way. Not from Roderich for he was a broken man. There were no traces Lovino himself had left in that house. The forensics wouldn’t find anything that pointed towards him. Maybe they would find enough to get their hands on one of his man, but they would never give them evidence against him. They knew what he could do. They had seen it. 

Lovino left the roof. His bodyguards were waiting down on the street. They waited for his orders. Lovino hadn’t decided on what orders to give them yet. He thought about blowing the whole building up. That would teach Beilschmidt what happened to those who dared to cross him. He had to find out about the whereabouts of his prisoner. But that would sure be difficult for him. Beilschmidt would try to protect him in the best way he could. Maybe Lovino would only have a few days before his prisoner would get into some witness-protection program. 

He gave orders to his men. They would see to it that everything worked out as planned. They had never let him down. Or at least not twice. 

Lovino got into his waiting car. Now, he had other, more pleasant things to think about. He was heading for yet another date with his Antonio. He just hoped the news about his ex-boyfriend hadn’t reached Antonio yet. But on the other hand, if they had, it would be easy to find that whore again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hungary comes to visit. And Lovino has some business to do.

The next day, after lunch, Gilbert returned. Roderich had expected this. Actually, he had even looked forward to this. But only a bit. He was still angry that he had been saved. But at least Gilbert was the only person he had talked to in a long long time. Roderich hadn’t even known why he had talked to him on the day before. He had just been so happy to have someone who knew him. 

Gilbert was accompanied by Elizabeta. Roderich had trouble recognizing her. She looked so much older, like she was worried sick. He wondered what Gilbert had told her about his imprisonment. He hoped not too much. This wasn’t the sort of thing a young woman like Elizabeta should know about.

Roderich tried to smile at her. He was really happy to see her, though he just didn’t feel like smiling. Also, he tried to ignore the grumpy look Gilbert was displaying again today. That man … Roderich didn’t know what to make of him. Maybe, he was just moody.

“H-hello,” Elizabeta said as she sat down by the bedside. Gilbert had chosen to sit by the window and watch the outside world. She didn’t look at Roderich, but down on her hands resting in her lap.

“Hello,” Roderich replied. “And … thanks. I’m glad to see you.”

Elizabeta blushed. “I missed you, you know?” she said hastily. Maybe a little bit too hasty but Roderich ignored that, he was just happy to finally see her again. Maybe being alive wasn’t that bad or at least not only bad. There had to be good sides like seeing his old friends again. He placed his hand on hers. 

“I never thought you didn’t, dear,” he answered. “You look awful.”

She chuckled. “Not half as awful as you do. Have you looked into a mirror lately? You look like death himself. There’s a reason you’re in hospital, you know?”

Roderich shook his head. “I’m fine.”

By the window, Gilbert snorted. 

“You look like you haven’t eaten in months,” Elizabeta noticed. She pulled his cheek to prove her point. “I can see you bones through you skin. What on earth has happened to you?”

Roderich noticed, that Gilbert suddenly sat up straight. Of course, the police would want to know what had happened to him. What Lovino had done to him. And Roderich wasn’t ready to tell him – or Elizabeta that was.

“I was lost,” he said. 

“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” Elizabeta asked. “Not even you get that lost. I was searching for you! Where have you been?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Roderich said, trying to make it sound like he was calm.

“Where have you been? Please, tell me,” she repeated.

“It’s enough, Elizabeta,” Gilbert suddenly said. “You heard him, he doesn’t want to talk about it so let him be.”

Elizabeta pouted. “But I want to know! And I should know. I’ve been searching for him for weeks. Months. And so did Ludwig. We tried everything we could. We even made you search! And Anto-“

“Don’t say that name!” Gilbert hissed. 

Roderich had watched this short exchange of words bemusedly. But at Antonio’s name, he flinched. “What’s with Antonio? How is he?” he asked. He knew the answer. Antonio was fine and happy and with his new boyfriend. Tears welled up in his eyes. He wanted to be back together with him so much. He wanted to see him again. Alone. He wanted Lovino to be forgotten. But that would never happen. 

Elizabeta looked at Gilbert for help. She didn’t want to tell him, of course, Roderich understood it. He wouldn’t want to tell himself either. But he already knew. Knew, that he hadn’t a boyfriend anymore, he knew that the man he loved had left him for another man, for the man who had imprisoned him for over a year.

Gilbert shook his head. He already knew. Roderich had told him yesterday. He had told him most of the things Lovino had done to him. Deep inside, Gilbert was more shocked about how composed Roderich had seemed while telling him these things than about the things themselves. Moments ago, he had been crying and then, when he had started to tell him about everything, he had become awfully composed. It had sounded like Roderich hadn’t been talking about himself. Only about Antonio he hadn’t wanted to speak much. He had looked so hurt when he was talking about him. Gilbert knew that poor man was missing his boyfriend far more than being hurt by what had happened during the past year.

“Antonio’s fine,” Elizabeta finally said. “He … I … we talked yesterday, over the phone. Yes, he called me and, well, he sounded like he was fine.”

“Elizabeta,” Roderich said softly. “I know.”

“You know about what?” she asked. She looked at Gilbert for help who only shrugged. Her voice dripped of worry and she had suddenly become very pale.

“I know about his new boyfriend,” Roderich went on. “I’ve seen them. Together. I was made to see them. I’m just worried about him. All I want is for him to be happy.” Well, that was a lie even though it wasn’t that far off the truth. He wanted Antonio to be happy. But he wanted Antonio to be happy by his side even more.

They all remained silent for a while, with Roderich’s quiet sobs as the only noises. 

Then, still without saying a word, Elizabeta wrapped her arms around him. Sitting down on the bed, she held her crying friend in her arms, rocking to and fro. Gilbert was standing aside, watching them with mixed feelings. When Elizabeta started humming an old lullaby, he left the room. He felt like a disturbance. 

 

“How is he?” Ludwig who had been waiting for them in the hall all this time asked. 

Gilbert shook his head. “Even worse than yesterday,” he answered. “I doubt he wants to see anyone right now. Shit, I should have told Elizabeta not to mention Antonio!” He added a few curses to this. 

Ludwig patted his brother’s back. It was rare to see him care this much about someone he didn’t really know. “You should rest a bit,” he murmured. “You haven’t slept much lately. Not since you found out that Antonio was dating this mafia-guy you’re searching for. I don’t want to have to visit two people at the hospital, you know?”

Gilbert shook the hand off. “I don’t need rest,” he said. “I need to get that bastard for good. Maybe that will open Antonio’s god damn eyes. Or switch his brain on if he had any.”

“Brother, why are you mad?” Ludwig asked. He looked at Gilbert like he suspected something. “Are you mad at Antonio or at that mafia-guy?”

“I’m mad at your stupid friend,” Gilbert snapped. “He’s seen them together! He has seen his stupid, beloved Antonio fuck that brat. And yet he acts like he can’t wait to forget about this and forgive Antonio everything. It’s not like he tried to kill himself because of Antonio, no!”

“Gilbert …”

“Don’t ‘Gilbert’ me,” Gilbert hissed. “I know he’s in love but … It’s not like there is any chance for the things to go back at where they have been a year ago. Someone who had lived through this shouldn’t act like he does. He just shouldn’t! He should cry and be angry and try to fight. But he, he just endures it. He waits for everything to be over. As long as you don’t remind him of Antonio. Then, he cries. Or worse, he goes all silent. So don’t Gilbert me! I know I’m acting up.”

They waited for Elizabeta. Neither of the brothers said a word. Gilbert was still sulking and Ludwig drew his own conclusions from the words he just heard. When Elizabeta finally stepped out of Roderich’s room, both were glad to be able to leave.

~~~

Lovino was sitting in a barely lit room. He was waiting. A knife danced in his right hand. Since yesterday evening, he was in a particular good mood. Even his anger at that bastard Beilschmidt couldn’t take it away. The date with Antonio had been great. His dear had no idea that his ex had been found. On the contrary, Antonio had been all over Lovino himself yesterday.

The day had had everything Lovino liked, great tasty food with lots of tomatoes in it, romantic atmosphere and great sex afterwards. Oh yes, that was a good thing about Antonio Lovino hadn’t even guessed. As stupid as he was, Antonio was great in the bedroom. They hadn’t slept that often with each other yet – the time he had made his prisoner watch had been the first time and completely unexpected on top of that – and yet Antonio did already know where to touch him and how to make him enjoy it most.

Oh, and on top of that, Antonio was a great person to talk to. 

Lovino was looking forward to many more dates with him. No way would he let anything come in between them. Ever. Even if he had to kill someone to keep Antonio for himself. Or maybe more than one person. He would kill Beilschmidt anyway, so having to kill one person more wouldn’t hurt. 

He smiled. That customer that he was waiting for was late. Not that it would change anything. That guy was in trouble anyway. Lovino had had issues with this part of town lately. He needed to make an example and this guy was just the person to be made an example of. He was two months late with his protection money. That wasn’t acceptable. 

When the front door to the shop opened, one of his men stepped behind the guy Lovino was waiting for and blocked the door. Lovino got up, still smiling. 

”Welcome, my friend”, he said. He took some steps forward to the guy. “Don’t even think about running. There’s no place you can run to. And you don’t want me to hurt your sweet little girl, do you?” He still played with the knife.

The guy shook his head, a bit to fast for Lovino’s liking. The knife was at the guy’s throat in less than a second.

“Where’s my money?” Lovino hissed.

The guy didn’t answer. He shook like a leaf. He just pointed towards the register. 

“Took that in there already, try again,” Lovino smiled. “You’ve got 30 minutes to get my money or I’ll take your daughter instead.”

The guy rushed outside as soon as Lovino’s man had stepped aside. Lovino knew this wouldn’t take long. The next bank was 5 minutes away, 2 by the speed that guy went. Getting the cashier to give him some thousand Euros would take additional 5 to 10 minutes, so Lovino expected the guy to be back in 12 minutes, maybe 15. 

Ten minutes later, the door opened again. Of course, it was the guy. He handed Lovino a big envelope filled with money. Lovino took it with a big smile. 

“Thank you very much,” he said. “But, you see, I need you to pay for the delay. So, if you would just hold still.”

The man Lovino had brought with him stepped behind the guy and held him in place. Lovino took up the knife. He held it in front of the guys eyes so he could see it. “Be thankful that it’s at least sharp, bastard,” Lovino smiled.

Then, he started to cut the guys skin. This was one of the things he enjoyed most about his job. So he took his time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert comes to take Roderich home with him. - Lovino plans on getting rid of Gilbert.
> 
> This chapter is rather explicit, so please keep that in mind. This is the second last warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Lovino fantasizes a lot about violence, rape and abuse.

Some days later, when Gilbert came for his daily visit, he brought a traveling bag with him. He tossed Roderich a pair of jeans and a dress shirt. 

“What’s this about?” Roderich asked, picking up the clothes and investigating them carefully. They seemed to be just about the right size but still…

“You’re coming with me,” Gilbert announced. “Should I leave so you can get dressed?”

“I don’t want to,” Roderich answered, putting down shirt and jeans. 

“You don’t want me to leave?” Gilbert blinked. That sounded wrong.

Roderich growled. “No, I don’t want to come with you.”

“But you can’t stay here, either, they say you’re fine. Well, at least physically,” Gilbert stated. “So you have to.”

“But I don’t want to go with you!” Roderich repeated. He glared at Gilbert.

“Where else would you go?” Gilbert asked. “You said it yourself, your life’s gone.”

“I still could ask Elizabeta to let me crash on her couch for a few days,” Roderich said. He didn’t like to rely on Gilbert. He still held some grudge against him.

“She’s no space for you.” That answer came fast. Too fast for Roderich to believe it.

“Why?” His eyes became slits as he asked.

“She has a boyfriend.” Roderich could easily see that Gilbert just made that one up. Elizabeta usually didn’t have boyfriends. She was more into dating and then setting up some of her male friends with other guys. Roderich could tell, that was how he had met Antonio.

So all he said was: “Who?”

Gilbert gesticulated vaguely. “That one guy, you know, big, strong. Have seen him only once.”

“There is no boyfriend, is there?” Roderich shook his head. “Gilbert, do you really think I don’t know my best friend that much? Her boyfriends have a half-life of about two weeks.”

“No, but you can’t stay at hers anyway!” Gilbert said. He sounded impatient. 

“Why?” Roderich remained calm although he wanted to yell back at Gilbert right now.

“It just isn’t safe!” Now Gilbert was really yelling. “Vargas could find you there easily, he knows your friends, he knows Antonio’s friends, all of them and he will find you and drag you back.”

“So there’s no point staying at yours either,” Roderich stated. “Ludwig and I are friends as well. Or at least used to be. Things are weird currently.”

Gilbert shook his head. “But at my place, I can protect you.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be protected,” Roderich said. He was getting furious at that dumb fool.

“What?!” Gilbert snapped. 

“I said, maybe I don’t want to be protected from Lovino!” Roderich yelled. “I never asked you to save me in the first place! I never wanted to be saved!”

Gilbert stared at him in shock. His mouth clapped open and shut again a few times. He looked like a fish without water. “But I’m awesome! So being saved by me is awesome as well!” he finally voiced. 

Roderich shook his head. This was the exact reason why he wanted to punch Gilbert as hard as he could, every time he saw him. There was nothing great about being saved from something like this in his opinion. He wanted to die, he still wanted to die if he couldn’t be back together with Antonio. And he doubted that he ever would be or even if he would, live long enough to enjoy it. 

He sighed and said: “Okay, fine, I’m coming with you. But don’t expect me to be grateful. As soon as I get a job and find another place to stay at, I’ll leave. And you’re not going to stop me.”

With this, Roderich pulled his nightshirt over his head. Gilbert stared as his bare chest. Roderich was so thin all his ribs showed though his skin. He looked so breakable. No, Gilbert said to himself. He wasn’t breakable, you couldn’t break what was already broken. You needed to fix it. 

Roderich dressed himself, ignoring Gilbert’s stares. He was used to being watched when he was naked. He had been so many times. And he somewhat enjoyed making this cocky policeman blush. 

Standing on his feet still felt strange to Roderich. He had tried to walk around a bit in this room when he was alone. But he hadn’t been able to walk around much. He got exhausted so fast. It was almost like his feet weren’t able to carry him anymore. 

He hated this. The worst thing about having to go with that wretched policeman was that Roderich doubted that he was able to make his way to … well, wherever they were going when they left the hospital on his own. He hated the thought of having to rely on that man for help. And he knew he would need to.

Now fully dressed, Roderich slowly walked over to the mirror he had avoided so well during the time he had spent in this room. He needed to see that he was dressed properly. Seeing his face was a little shock, even though he had expected to see something like this. His cheeks were sunken in, his eyes dulled, his skin gray and paler than ever before. Long, sleepless nights had left their traces on his face as well. It was almost like he was standing in front of his own ghost instead of seeing himself in the mirror. 

Gilbert stepped behind him. His hands were placed on Roderich’s shoulders. Roderich could feel them shake a bit. “We’ll get you to feel good again, I promise. Everything will be fine for you again. I’ll make sure it will.”

Roderich shook his head. He had to suppress a bitter laugh. “You can’t give me my Antonio back. Nor can you turn the clock back to last year again.”

“You could at least act like you wanted to live!” Gilbert hissed. He was slowly loosing all his temper. “You owe this to Elizabeta! And Ludwig! You owe this to everyone who has been looking for you during the last year!”

“I DON’T owe anyone,” Roderich snapped, turning around to glare angrily at Gilbert. “Do you know how it felt to see that guilty look on Elizabeta’s face? Or on Ludwig’s? I know that they’d already given up on me and now I’m back and messing their lives up! It would have been better if you’d just let me there to die! Why didn’t you just give up on me like everyone else?!”

Gilbert felt his temper taking over. The control of his hand just slipped away for a second. He snapped. His flat hand hit Roderich’s cheek and left a bright red mark on the much to pale skin. Roderich stumbled, taken by surprise and loosing his balance by the shock, he fell down on the floor. He didn’t even try to protect his face or body. He didn’t even touch his beaten cheek. He just laid there, eyes wide open.

Gilbert shook. He looked at his hand and then at Roderich and back at his hand. He didn’t know what he had done just know. How could he? Being angry was a normal state of mind for him lately but … hitting someone just because of that? That wasn’t right, not even for him.

“He, I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Here, take my hand.” 

Roderich shook his head. He even backed away from the outstretched hand. 

“O-oi, I said I’m sorry! I won’t do it again. I promise,” Gilbert sighed. “Man, I really am an asshole, ain’t I?” He got down on his knees, leaning towards Roderich. He tried to smile encouragingly but failed terribly at it. Terribly enough to make Roderich’s mouth twitch at least. 

Gilbert laid his hand on the cheek he had just hit. Stroked it. “I didn’t want to hit you,” he whispered. “It’s just … You make me so angry when you talk about wanting to die. I don’t want you to die, okay? I’d never want you to die.”

He took Roderich’s face in both hands. Their eyes locked. “When I saw you back there, all I wanted was to save you, no matter what. I still want it. Even though I have seen the ghosts that haunt you, no, because I’ve seen them, I want you to get better. I want to protect you. I will protect you from any harm, I promise. No, hear me out. Roderich, please… I’ll take good care of you, I will see to it that you’ll heal. I … damn it!”

He pulled Roderich’s face towards him. Their lips met. One heartbeat, two heartbeats, many heartbeats, they kissed. There was no hunger, no desire in this kiss. It felt more like a plain statement. I love you.

 

They left the room and Gilbert closed the door behind. Roderich had decided to take his hand and lean against him for support. He didn’t trust his legs enough to walk on his own. Gilbert had to do a little paperwork to take him home, so they first walked over to the counter where a nurse sat.

Roderich stared around the room while Gilbert talked and filled forms. He just wanted to get away from here. He couldn’t feel save at a place where there were so many people. He wondered what everyone was doing here. A man whose face was all bandaged especially caught his eye. He didn’t look too well but there was a girl accompanying him and taking care of him. 

And then, Gilbert was finished talking and they left the hospital. Gilbert led him to his car and drove home. They didn’t even say a word during this time.

~~~

Lovino sat in his dark bedroom and stared at the person sleeping next to him. It was quite pleasant for him to have someone in his bed he could cuddle with at night – or more. He would have never guessed that. Before he had come to love Antonio, he had always thought he could never sleep when another person was in the same room as he was.

He brushed though Antonio’s hazel hair. Somehow, it made him smile to see Antonio’s stupid sleeping face. Lovino hadn’t smiled like this in a much too long time. Not once since he had taken over the clan from his grandfather. Antonio made him happy. And guessing by the way he purred when Lovino brushed though his hair, he made Antonio happy as well.

Damn, he was the best damn thing that could ever happen to a guy as stupid as Antonio. He was able to protect him. He was able to see to it that no one dared to trick him. He would make Antonio his oblivious queen. 

No matter what that wretched policeman tried to stop him. Oh, he made him angrier every day. He still searched for him, Lovino knew. Just today he had given orders to spread rumors about a new hideout, so Beilschmidt would hear about it. And when he sent his men there to search that place, hidden bombs would go off. And that was just a warning for him. 

In the quiet of his mind, he planned many different ways to get rid of that bloody policeman. Blowing him up or letting him die in gunfire were just the easiest and most boring ones.

The ideas Lovino liked most included that pretty little whore Beilschmidt had started to take a liking in. It hadn’t taken his men long to search all hospitals in the city. Man, Beilschmidt was really pathetic. How could he assume, he didn’t need to leave a guard there. It would have been so easy to kill that bitch. And no fun at all. More interesting were the news he had heard from one of his informants. When the two of them had left the hospital – Lovino was sure Beilschmidt took his pretty little broken toyboy home with him – they had seemed very close.

So, if he could get his hands on that slut there were a lot of fun things he could do with the two of them. For example dressing the whore up to make him look like Lovino himself and tricking stupid Beilschmidt into shooting him. And then show Beilschmidt what he had done and either talk him into killing himself or slowly torture him to death. Maybe he could even find some sickos who wanted to rape him to death. That would be well-deserved for crossing the mighty Lovino on purpose. Of course, that would be needed to get recorded and spread. So he could maybe even make money from it.

Or he could talk that cunt into killing himself because he was only useless trash everyone was better off without. Maybe, he could get them both and tell that whore he would save Beilschmidt by killing himself. And when he had finally set an end to what that miserable fucking toy called a life, Lovino would take his time killing Beilschmidt. 

Maybe, he could call some of that slut’s “old friends” together and let them manhandle that bitch with Beilschmidt watching and seeing how much his precious little whore enjoyed being fucked by several men at once. 

Lovino yawned. Those plans all sounded so great. Too bad he could only enact one. He cuddled up against Antonio’s chest. His boyfriend immediately wrapped his arms around him. Still thinking about more ways to hurt and break Beilschmidt, Lovino’s mind slowly drifted off into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert tries to talk about his feelings - Lovino has a plan.

“So, what have you done?” Ludwig asked. He and Gilbert were having breakfast.

 

“How would I know?” Gilbert hissed. “I didn’t tell him to lock himself in the guestroom.”

 

Ludwig rolled his eyes. If he had needed a proof that Gilbert had something to do with Roderich locking himself in his new room that would be it. Gilbert always reacted like this when he felt guilty. “Gilbert,” he sighed. “He told me to ask you. So what has happened?”

 

“When did he talk to you?” Unlike before, Gilbert now looked at his brother. “He didn’t even answer when I tried to talk to him.”

 

So he has done something wrong, Ludwig thought. But aloud, he said: “When I brought him dinner. Late last night. I was worried about him. So? Gilbert, tell me the truth, what have you done to him?”

 

“As I said, I haven’t done anything wrong!” Gilbert started.

 

“But?”

 

“But I kissed him,” the elder brother whispered.

 

“What?!”

 

“I kissed him!” Gilbert yelled. “I kissed him and I meant it! So what?! Maybe I really do love him!” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back, his face turned away from his brother.

 

Ludwig sighed. “I’d love to discuss this with you, but … I need to go to work. I’ll be late if this takes much longer. Just tell him … I don’t know. Please don’t tell him you’re sorry. Tell him that you meant it but that he doesn’t have to worry. Just … do something. He can’t stay in his room forever. And take his breakfast with you when you go up there, alright?”

 

With this, he got up. “I expect him to leave his room when I come back, understood? And I don’t care what you need to do to make that happen. So see you tonight.” Ludwig took his briefcase and left.

 

Roderich lay in the dark of the guestroom on the floor next to the bed. He couldn’t think of this bed or room as his. To him, this wasn’t a place where he would stay for long. Lovino would come to get him. Or he would find a job and leave for good. Either way, he didn’t plan on staying at Gilbert’s house longer than necessary.

 

Even though Gilbert claimed to love him …

 

What had that fool thought he was doing when he kissed him? If he had thought at all which Roderich doubted. Hitting and then kissing him to make up for it. And those strange words. Roderich wished he could belief them. Maybe he could have believed them if Gilbert hadn’t slapped him before. Gilbert was just like any other man he had met during the past year. All he was up to was getting into Roderich’s pants, he was sure of that.

 

Even though Gilbert said he loved him Roderich believed that.

 

Someone knocked at the door. Roderich didn't move, out of pure habit he tried not to make any sound. He suspected this to be Gilbert, hoping that he would just go away if he didn't get a response.

 

"Roderich!" Gilbert called. "I know you're in there so stop pretending you're not. I have to talk to you."

 

"Go. Away," Roderich replied, merely loud enough to be heard. "There's nothing you have to talk to me about."

 

He sighed. Why was it so difficult to understand for this stupid policeman that he had decided on ignoring him for the rest of his stay? He didn't want to become vulnerable again this soon.

 

"Actually," Gilbert went on. "There is. West scolded me for ... kissing you. He wants me to talk to you about this."

 

"But I don't," Roderich answered. For the first time since he had left the attic, he raised his voice. He didn't want to talk about something he didn't know what to make of for himself yet.

 

They both stayed silent for some moments. Long enough to make Roderich hope the other had left.

 

"You know, I meant that kiss," Gilbert suddenly sighed. "I won't say I love you, yet. But I think I could, if you would let me. I was serious when I said I would protect you with all my strength. Please believe me at least in this." Some silence followed. "Listen, I have to go to work soon, but I'll be back as soon as possible. A friend of mine will keep an eye on this house. If anything's wrong, you can call me, my cell number's saved in the phone's address book. I'll come for you. So ... See you in the afternoon, all right?"

 

Roderich didn't answer. He didn't want Gilbert to leave him alone in this big, quiet house but he didn't want him to stay either. All he wanted to do right know was thinking about what he just had heard.

 

"I'm off now," Gilbert called some minutes later.

 

Somehow, Roderich felt all alone then. But still, he didn't get up from the floor or did anything. All he did was lying there staring at the ceiling and thought about what happened around him. He still had to get used to being a part of it again instead of being an observer to everything.

 

So Gilbert claimed to be in love with him, right? It still felt strange that anyone who had not known him from before could take even a simple liking in his miserable self. More likely, he just pitied him and thought, this was an easy way to help him getting better.

 

On the other hand, Gilbert had always seemed to be a nice man to him. Now that he know him, admittedly a man very full of himself, but still a nice man. Ludwig liked him also very much and all the stories of his younger friend had always made him wonder about this man in the past.

 

Well, men could never live up to fantasy, could they? Maybe, only maybe, he could give in a little. Just a teeny-tiny bit. If he did, Gilbert might be happy enough to leave him his peace.

 

With a groan, Roderich pulled himself up. He really needed to work out a bit. The few steps to the door were not a big problem, though. He had to rest there leaning against the wall afterwards but not dropping on the floor again was a success to him, if only a little one.

 

Roderich took a deep breath. He wanted to do this, he reassured himself again. He wouldn't be any less save if he did.

 

Still, it did cost him some effort to turn the key and unlock the room, for which he had shut out the outside world so completely as he could as soon as he had had the strength to after entering it.

 

Very please with his solution, Roderich stumbled back to the bed, ready to wait for the night in the twilight behind the curtains.

 

~~~

 

Lovino inspected the rooms of the small house in a respectable neighborhood he had bought some weeks before. Never trust your henchmen when it comes to something important was his motto. Especially not this trap.

 

He wanted anything to work out perfectly. He had carefully selected this place when that wretched policeman first had started to interfere with his plans. Until now he just hadn't had enough reasons to enact one of his plans for this house.

 

The bombs were set up just how they were supposed to be. The cables were also well done. Lovino was satisfied with his henchmen.

 

Well, of course they would do it right, the prospect of hitting the police hard was always a good incentive for them. That was why Lovino had only allowed his favorites to take part in this operation.

 

When he left the house, he thought his plan over again. Did he really want to wait until his favorite enemy's shift was over? Well, of course he did. He didn't want him to die. Not for now and not that easily at least. He needed just to be a little more patient. Just wait for the night, he told himself.

 

Then, the warning would be delivered. And this was going to be a night this city wouldn't forget soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert and Roderich are having a normal conversation - Lovino has acted out his plan and gloats.

Gilbert left the station as soon as he was finished. Unlike on other days, he took his paperwork home with him. Usually, he would also gather all new information about Vargas, who had lain unusually low during the last couple of days. His colleagues had even mused that Vargas was on edge because they had taken out one of his hide-outs and even got hold of a witness against him. Gilbert didn't believe that for a second.

 

In Gilbert's opinion, Vargas was planning something big enough to consume most of his time. He was pretty sure that brat was mad at him and wanted revenge. He just didn't know yet what Vargas planned for that. But it sure would be bloody.

 

As he drove home, he listened to the radio. Nothing special on the news, same songs as always, a perfectly normal afternoon.

 

His house was all quiet when he arrived. That didn't surprise him. He hadn't expected to see or hear anything of Roderich. In fact, him staying out of his sight was just what he had assumed the other would do. Still, thinking that the boy might hate him made his chest hurt a little.

 

After putting his things away - Ludwig was always such a pest about the tidiness of his house - he thought about going upstairs. He wanted to see Roderich but he was also afraid of the answer the other had promised him.

 

I'm home," he yelled upstairs. "Mind if I come up?" Taking the following silence as a no, Gilbert slowly climbed up the stairs. He knocked at the door to the guestroom, suddenly alarmed. He hadn't expected it to be open.

 

"Roderich? Are you there?" he asked. "Has anything happened?"

 

Gilbert didn't wait for an answer before he slowly pushed the door further open. The inside of the room was dim and there was no one lying on the floor. For a moment, Gilbert thought about turning on the lights. He looked around the room. There was a figure in the bed, so inconspicuous he hadn't noticed it at first.

 

"Roderich," Gilbert whispered as he walked over to the bed. "Are you asleep?"

 

"I was," the other answered. He slowly sat up, touching his head as if he was afraid it might not be there anymore. "I was before you woke me up."

 

"Sorry," Gilbert smiled.

 

Roderich shook his head. "I can tell you're not. So don't lie."

 

"Sorry," Gilbert repeated. "I'm just relieved you seem to be alright. I was worried about the open door. Or did you ...?" He couldn't bring himself to ask whether he had changed his opinion about him or not.

 

"I wanted to see if you had Elisabeta's number somewhere," Roderich said after some hesitation. He looked Gilbert right in the eye but somehow, Gilbert could tell he was being lied at. "I miss her," Roderich went on with a sigh. "A lot. I need someone to talk to. ...And that has always been her."

 

Gilbert could be imagining things but had the other added a "I'm sorry, Gilbert" to this? He forced himself to put up smile.

 

"It's alright," he said. Don't be jealous of a chick, he told himself to calm him down. "You have known her for a long time, haven't you?"

 

Roderich nodded. "Ever since the first day at school. But we have only been friends for about ten or something years. After she decided that I was going to be her boyfriend to calm her parents down."

 

"You have dated her?!" Gilbert gasped.

 

Leaning against him, Roderich answered. "We were still kids and there was just one little kiss we both didn't enjoy too much." Gilbert turned his head to see that Roderich was smiling. "But officially, we dated for about 5 years."

 

Gilbert didn't answer to that. He had still trouble to calm himself. They had been a couple. Okay, only for show and they had only kissed once but still... It didn't sound like they'd ever really broken up. More like Elisabeta was the only woman ever to be part in Roderich's life. But since she was the manliest woman he could imagine and Roderich seemed to be gay he couldn't tell whether this was good or bad.

 

"Gilbert, do you listen to me?" Roderich interrupted his chaotic thoughts. "I asked you if I could call her. Or see her anytime soon."

 

Gilbert only shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe tomorrow."

 

"Promise?"

 

"Okay, I promise you may call her tomorrow," Gilbert sighed.

 

"Thanks.”

 

It took Gilbert some moments to start thinking again after he had seen that smile.

 

He cleared his throat. "I wonder how you met my brother. If you're the same age as that wit... I mean Elisabeta, how come you know him?" Gilbert asked. Seeing Roderich seemed to be in a good mood for the first time since he woke up in the hospital, he didn't want to spoil that mood. And Ludwig seemed a save, not too much Elisabeta-related topic to let him talk about.

 

Roderich chuckled. "I met him at a party when I was 22. He didn't look like the kid he still was back then. So when Elisabeta and I were talking about the men at the party, she sent me over to him to try and flirt with him." Roderich shook his head. "We liked each other from the start but after talking a bit I was - as well as him - sure I was not interested enough to date him. He's not my type, much to Elisabeta's frustration. But after that we met some times more and became friends. And I still don't consider it wise to have introduced him to Elisabeta. On the other hand, it's never wise to introduce any man to her, so ..." He shrugged.

 

“So, my brother’s not your type, eh?” Gilbert asked. Damn, why was this so important to him? The two brothers sure were anything but alike. So it shouldn’t have mattered why Ludwig was not Roderich’s type. But still, he wanted to know. “How’s your type like, then? Don’t tell me you like stupid as hell guys.”

 

Roderich shook his head. “Of course not,” he said. Then he paused to think. “Uhm, I guess, I like guys I feel happy with. And save. Like-“

 

Gilbert never got to hear who Roderich’s ideal boyfriend was, since in that moment, the door flew open and Ludwig stormed in.

 

“Brother, you need to see this!” he panted. “It’s all over the news!” Ludwig looked like he had run straight up to this room. Gilbert hadn’t even noticed him coming home. Judging by the briefcase in his hand, Ludwig hadn’t wasted any time to inform him about whatever it was.

 

Roderich wrinkled his brows. “What’s wrong?”

 

Instinctively, Gilbert placed his hand on the arm of the man next to him. “Ludwig, is it about what I think it is?” he whispered. His brother glimpsed at Roderich, than back at him, than hinted a nod.

 

“I’ll come, just a moment, okay?” Gilbert said. He briefly hugged Roderich. “I’ll be right back, okay? As soon as Ludwig showed me what’s so damn important,” he whispered into the other’s ear.

 

“No!” Roderich pushed himself away from him. “I don’t want to stay behind! I want to know what’s going on as well.”

 

Gilbert sighed. “Okay, fine. But at your own risk, understood?”

 

Roderich nodded. He took Gilbert’s hand as they walked down to the living room which made Gilbert almost think, that he couldn’t care less what was wrong in this town. But just almost. The moment he entered the room and heard the news anchor talking about a terrorist attack, he forgot about anything else.

 

“VARGAS!”

 

~~~

 

Lovino was sitting the TV room of the mansion his grandfather had left him together with the whole organization. Of course, Feliciano was allowed to live there as well, but Lovino was somewhat proud that his brother was oblivious to most of the family’s traditions.

 

He watched his achievement of the day on television. It was obvious enough that he was behind the attack. He didn’t need to give the police a reason to lock him up. They had nothing so far. He had been very careful. He had seen to it that he was filmed by several CCTV cameras as the bomb went up. He had seen to it that no traces were left anywhere. He had even had the house cleaned before he blew it up. One of his best men had pressed the button in the right moment. Only a handful of people had known about this plan and half of them were dead by now.

 

They had been showing the charred ruins of the former building for hours now. And still, they had not much of a clue what that had been about. One news speaker even had said they assumed this to be some religiously motivated terrorist attack and another had said that it had just been a gas leak. The only thing all the channels agreed on was that they had no idea whatsoever of the writing on the front lawn. Lovino himself had seen to it that there would be writing, this noon, all on his own. With some cans of gas he had written the words: “I’ll get back at you and your bitch”. They had looked really beautifully all aflame. He’d even made one of his men take a picture of it.

 

Too bad, he hadn’t been able to see damn Beilschmidt’s face when he heard of this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert and Roderich's reactions to Lovino's plan.   
> Lovino calming his little brother.

Roderich slumped to his knees when he saw the TV. Gilbert’s sudden outbreak made him twitch. If his legs had allowed him to do so he would have run upstairs again and hid under the blanket. Or the bed, maybe.

 

Gilbert kneeled down next to him. He had seen the burning letters on the front lawn. Understanding these wasn’t too hard. It was a threat and a warning to him and most likely to Roderich as well. So he wrapped his arms around the thin man and hid his face against his chest.

 

Gilbert himself kept his eyes fixed on the television, though. He somewhat wished he could also cover Roderich’s ears as well. He shot Ludwig a glance and nodded at him. Luckily, his brother got his hint. He quickly muted the news.

 

Gilbert could feel Roderich shaking in his arms. He whispered soothing words in his ear but it didn’t help at all. There was nothing else he could think of doing. Somehow, he wished for Elizabeta to be here the last time at the hospital. He hated to admit it but she knew damn well how to break through to Roderich. He just wished he could do the same.

 

“It’s him, right?” Roderich suddenly whispered. His voice was so shaky it was difficult to understand. “He’s going to take. I know he will. And he will get back at you, Gilbert.” He was almost crying. Gilbert pressed him harder against his chest. He hoped that would somehow soothe the other man.

 

“Shush,” Gilbert made. “Don’t worry about this. I will get him before he gets me.” He was trying to sound as serious and sure about this as he could. He wasn’t a hundred percent sure about this, but that shouldn’t concern Roderich right now. “He was after me before I busted that house after all.”

 

Roderich slowly shook his head. “No, you won’t. He won’t let you do that,” he whimpered.

 

Gilbert gently pushed him away from his chest again. He wanted to be able to look him in the eye for this. He tried to shove all insecurity out of his eyes. Gilbert didn’t know if that worked but he had to try. There was no way he would show Roderich any weakness in this situation.

 

“Listen, I will, I promise,” Gilbert said as calmly as possible. “I got myself into this a long time ago, I just made him mad some more. I didn’t let anything happen to Ludwig before and I surely won’t let anything to either of you now. I won’t, understood? If he really wants to scare me he has to do more than blow up an empty house. I won’t let him get me. I will get him. Trust me, I’ll get him and drag that brat screaming and kicking in front of a judge where he belongs.”

 

Roderich nodded. But his eyes still flickered like he was a hunted little animal. Gilbert wasn’t sure if he had understood what he had just said. He just had to trust he could live up to that promise. There was no other good alternative for him after all.

 

Suddenly, Ludwig was beside them. He carefully touched Roderich’s arm. He held a glass of water in his hand. Gilbert hadn’t even noticed that he had gone into the kitchen. “I got you some sleeping medicine if you want,” Ludwig told Roderich. His voice sounded unusual soft while he was speaking to him. “I thought this might help you. But you don’t have to take it if you don’t want.”

 

Roderich slowly turned his head to look at Ludwig at first and then at the pill. He looked some more just in case the pill suddenly turned into something else, before he gingerly took it. Then, he also took the glass of water.

 

“How fast?” he whispered.

 

“About half an hour,” Ludwig replied. “I will keep you company, if you want me to.”

 

Roderich shook his head. “’s fine,” he whispered. “Gilbert will anyway.” Then, he closed his eyes and quickly took the pill before he gulped down all of the water after it.

 

He kept his eyes shut a bit after that before he slowly handed the glass back to Ludwig. Gilbert could see his hands were shaking. He hugged the other again.

 

“I’ll bring you upstairs, okay?” he asked.

 

Roderich nodded. It did take him quite some effort and a bit of Ludwig’s help to get up though. Gilbert knew he would be able to catch Roderich if he fell on their way to his room, but he’d rather not. He just stood there and waited for Roderich to be ready to move.

 

I'm a bonus

 

 

Later that evening, Gilbert finally decided to come out of Roderich’s room again. He had sat by his bedside all the time until Roderich had finally fallen asleep. And some more afterwards. The sleeping medicine had actually helped quite a lot. Gilbert didn’t think Roderich would have slept at all that night without it.

 

On his way to the living room again, Gilbert opened and closed his fist some times. He had held the other’s hand all the time while he was sitting by his side and he had had the strange sensation of feeling their hands still touching. Roderich’s hand hadn’t been as cold as Gilbert had expected but it still had felt somewhat weird.

 

The living room was dark when Gilbert came down. He looked around. He could smell coffee from the kitchen. Well, he hadn’t expected his brother to be in bed by now. Usually, he wouldn’t go without pestering Gilbert to have at least something for dinner.

 

When Gilbert came into the kitchen, Ludwig was sitting at his laptop. By the looks of it he was working. He wore his reading glasses and held a streaming cup of coffee in his hand. Gilbert took a mug out of the cupboard and helped himself to some coffee as well. He felt so tired.

 

“Didn’t the doctor say you shouldn’t have any coffee past ten if you want to sleep at night?” Gilbert asked as he poured some of the coffee in his mug.

 

Ludwig shrugged. “So what?“ He clicked around on his laptop but Gilbert wasn’t that sure he was really working anymore. Ludwig nodded at the door. “Did he fall asleep?“

 

Gilbert nodded. “Almost as soon as he lay down,” he lied. They had been talking for a while before Roderich had finally fallen asleep. He was really afraid. Gilbert had reassured him for quite some times that he would protect him no matter what. He had tried to sooth him as best as he could. It had taken some time, but eventually, Roderich had calmed enough to fall asleep with the help of the sleeping medicine.

 

Ludwig raised an eyebrow but knew better than to comment on that. “Your cell has been buzzing all night,” he sighed. Gilbert strolled over to the table. He didn’t sit down though. He felt too much on edge to do so.

 

“Listen,” Ludwig started. He had taken his glasses of and was rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think when I came running up to get you. Everyone was freaking out on the news and when I came home your cell was buzzing non-stop, I thought this would be too important to wait. I’m sorry I didn’t think.” He looked down on his lap. Gilbert knew he couldn’t look him in the eye when he felt this guilty. His brother never could.

 

Gilbert waved it away. “Not your fault,” he mumbled. He slowly went into the hall to get his phone he had left with his keys as he had come home. It showed him a ton of missed calls. Almost all by his boss and coworkers. He could feel his anger boil up again. Something had happened at that explosion. He knew it before he listened to the voicemail.

 

“I answered one of the calls earlier,” Ludwig told him as he wandered back in the kitchen. “They were pretty worried about you because of the whole thing between you and Vargas. They thought … well, something might have happened to you as well.”

 

“As well?” Gilbert echoed.

 

Ludwig looked away again. Gilbert could see some of his muscles tensing. He knew this meant Ludwig prepared to be shouted at. “There were some of your people in there. There was a drugs bust or something like that going on when the house went up. …they didn’t release this to the press yet but it’s only a matter of time.” Ludwig stared at his brother.

 

Gilbert turned away. He didn’t want his brother to see the look on his face now. He thumped the wall next to him. He couldn’t even thing of curses now.

 

“Just wait for it,” he whispered. “Just you wait for it, Vargas. I will get you and then pray to God that you don’t give me any reason to kill you. Because I will…”

Lovino swilled the red wine in his glass while he watched the evening news. The explosion was still the hot topic of the day. But there was nothing new they could say. It seemed like the press was still waiting for an official statement by the police. Some politicians already had reacted to the event but Lovino could tell they had no clue at all.

 

What annoyed him most about the news was that they didn’t know anything about the body count. Lovino really would have loved to know. If he knew he could tell how mad exactly he had managed Beilschmidt to get. His men had told him that seven policemen had entered the building when they had triggered the explosion.

 

He just wished he could know for sure he had gotten them all. Lovino played with the thought of just calling some of those people in the town’s hospitals that owed him a favor. Probably the police had told them not to tell anyone about any explosion victims but they would tell him anyway after all.

 

There was something else his men had told him this evening he didn’t know what to make of yet. Apparently, the police was pretty freaked about not being able to reach Beilschmidt tonight. Well, that was unfortunate for them, but Lovino didn’t know anything about his whereabouts. Or at least, he had nothing done to make him disappear. Yet. And the man he had set on Beilschmidt hadn’t any news. So Lovino assumed Beilschmidt just spent the evening and the night in bed with his broken whore or something.

 

That moment, his stupid brother burst through the living room door. “Lovino,” he cried as he rushed towards him and flung his arms around him. “Did you hear the news, did you, did you? I’m so so scared. Everyone is talking about a bomb. I’m scared, fratello.”

 

Lovino wanted to push his brother away. He stank of all the different food they had cooked at the restaurant he was jobbing at tonight. But then he saw the look on his face and the tears almost, but just almost overflowing in his eyes. He patted his brother’s shoulders and mumbled: “There, there.”

 

Feliciano looked his brother. Him snuffling made Lovino twitch. Why did his brother have to be such a crybaby? “Aren’t you scared as well, fratello?” Feliciano asked. “Because I’m really scared. What if they would have tried to do that to the restaurant or if fratello had been walking by that house today?”

 

“That won’t happen,” Lovino flatly stated. He was sure of this. He would never let anything happen to his brother and he would rip anyone apart who tried. He had often enough proved this in the past to stop anyone from trying. Nobody dared to anymore, which was a good thing. “So don’t worry, fratellino. I’ll watch out for you. This today was just a gas leak. They just said that on the news. And by what they know, nobody had gotten hurt. It was just an accident.”

 

He didn’t even need to lie about this now. They really just said that they assumed this had been a gas leak. His brother didn’t have to be concerned with everything he knew about the whole affair. Least not his role in it.

 

Feliciano nodded. He still hugged his brother again, though. “Grazie, fratello,” he said. He wiped his face clean on his sleeve which was also something Lovino rather had him not to. “If you protect me there’s nothing to fear, right? Because you’re strong and know all sorts of things.”

 

“Right,” Lovino grinned. “So don’t worry anymore.” As much as he annoyed him, Lovino still wanted his little brother to be unconcerned by anything dark. He wanted him to live a happy, pampered life if he could make him. It was for the best of both of them. And besides, if his brother was freaked out about this whole thing, he could only imagine how bad those concerned by it were. He suddenly hoped Beilschmidt hadn’t been able to prevent his new pet from seeing it.

 

Feliciano snuffled one last time. “So, can I sleep in your bed tonight or is Antonio coming over again?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roderich spends the day alone and in the evening has dinner with Ludwig. Lovino is a bit annoyed.

The house was all quiet when Roderich woke up the next day. He stayed in bed for a while, his eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. All he did was listening for any sound inside the house. Anything that would show him that he wasn’t alone in the house.

Dim light was seeping in through the curtains in front of the window. Roderich wondered for how long he had been asleep. He felt like he hadn’t been sleeping like this in weeks or more. But the thought of having to ask Ludwig every other evening for medicine made him feel bad for it. He shouldn’t rely on something like this too often.

With a soft moan, he pushed himself into a sitting position. He hoped he wasn’t imagining it but he thought it was becoming easier again to move. The bit of light felt warm against his skin. He lifted the curtain a bit. It would be nice to see some sun again. He knew he had at the hospital, but back then, he hadn’t cared for it. And before that … he rather not tried to remember the last time before.

His hand was shaking as he reached out for one side of the curtain. He had to take a deep breath before he could even grab it. There was nothing in front of that window that would hurt him, he told himself. He was in a first floor bedroom. There couldn’t be anything right in front of that window. He could only gain a look at the sky. Something he really wished for right now. He just wished he wouldn’t be alone.

His eyes were closed as he opened the curtain. He didn’t have the courage to look at the outside world just when he managed to open the curtains separating it from the safe sanctuary he thought this room to be. He reluctantly opened one eye after a while. This was getting ridiculous and he knew it. It was just so hard for him. Outside was scary. Scarier than he’d like to admit.

As he had expected, there was nothing to see outside the window. The street was more or less empty save for the occasional passing car. It was a quiet neighborhood. He remembered this from visiting Ludwig a long time ago. He was glad there were no people at this time of day. Somehow, he thought that might unsettle him a bit. Having only two people – three, if he could include Elizabeta – around him was just about enough.

As he raised his glance to the sky, he knew why he had opened the curtains. It was so bright he had to almost close his eyes, even though it wasn’t even a bright day. There were clouds promising rain later that day. But he could still see the sun. He knew better than to directly look at it but he was glad to be able to look at it and somewhat enjoy it. He only wished he had the courage to go outside.

The terror of this thought alone made him feel like he was about to choke.

Roderich lay back down on the bed and waited for the nausea to die down. He forced his breath in and out evenly. His eyes stayed fixed on the lap in the middle of the ceiling. He almost knew that lamp by heart by now.

There wasn’t much to do in this room. It seemed like Ludwig and Gilbert only used it to occassionally accommodate guests. There were no shelves in it but some wardrobes. Roderich had seen that they stored fresh blankets in one of them when Ludwig had taken some out for him but he hadn’t opened any himself. It didn’t feel like a right thing to do.

He eventually rolled around and grabbed the bottle of water next to the bed. Ludwig had brought him one together with yesterday’s breakfast and he was almost certain that Gilbert had replaced the half empty bottle with a new one in the evening. Maybe. He couldn’t remember a lot from after he had taken the medicine. The bottle was fuller than he had expected it to be though. It was a good thing. He was thirsty and there was a gross taste in his mouth that he wanted to get rid of.

Roderich quickly gulped down some of it. It helped a little bit against the taste, but only a little. As he put the bottle down, he wondered what he could do. This was something new. He hadn’t felt bored during the past year. He had struggled to stay alive or rather fought against being forced to do so. And during the past few days, so much had happened he just didn’t have the time to be bored.

Now, however, he had some free time at hand and didn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t really want to leave the room, but on the other hand, there wasn’t much to do here. He didn’t want to stay in his own company. He knew exactly that he would think about last night’s news and he didn’t want that. This would be worse than leaving the room.

What could possible go wrong if he left this room?

Roderich stood up. He went to the door and laid a hand on the handle. He took a deep breath. He was alone in the house and he was safe. Ludwig had lace curtains on every window down there. It would even be difficult to look inside from the street. Everything was alright.

It still took him some effort to push down the handle. He didn’t fully open the door at first. Only for a crack seemed to be best at first. He listened for any sound inside the house but there weren’t any. Then, he peeked outside. Despite his indistinctive feeling, there was no one standing in the hallway outside his room. It seemed safe to leave the room.

There was nothing in the house to be afraid of.

He still stayed close to the wall, ready to run, as he left the room. There was no sound, but he knew, if he would hear anything, he would start running to some place to hide as fast as he could make his feet go. Thinking about it, this wouldn’t be very fast. He really needed to walk around a lot more.

The short distance to the stairs was already enough to make him run out of breath. He leaned against the wall there and waited for a moment. This was so exhausting. It really shouldn’t be like that and annoyed him, but there wasn’t much he could do against it. Maybe he should ask Ludwig to go on a walk with him every evening.

But even including Ludwig, that thought terrified him.

After a while, he slowly climbed down the stairs. Yesterday, this had been so much easier with Gilbert there to assist him. He hated to admit it but he was really kind and helpful to him. Roderich just wished to know whether he wanted him to be. Now, without any assistance, he had to watch out not to stumble. There wouldn’t be anyone there to catch him after all. He didn’t want to fall. That would only cause everyone trouble. He had caused enough trouble for the rest of his life.

He sat down on the lowest stair and waited for a bit to recover. He had no idea how long this short walk from his room here had taken him. It felt like too long – but also nice, because he had lived in a very confined space for too long and was now able to walk around again. It wasn’t much and he surely wouldn’t leave the house anytime soon if he could help it. But it was better than sitting on bed all day.

He was somewhat proud of himself.

Now that he had made it downstairs, he thought about where to go next. He could go into the kitchen, but then again, he wasn’t really hungry. He could go into the living room. He didn’t feel like watching TV, especially because he feared to stumble across some news program. But he knew they had most of their books there and there might be one he would like to read.

He pushed himself up. He had managed to walk this far on his own; he could make it to the living room and the bookshelf there as well. He knew he could. He just had to tell himself this often enough. Standing up, his legs felt a bit wobbly. But he didn’t let this hold him back from walking to the living room.

Entering the big bright room, he suddenly felt watched.

Roderich looked around the room. There was no one there, of course there wasn’t. He tried to shrug the feeling off, but it wouldn’t go away. For a second, he thought about going back upstairs. And then, the feeling was gone. He looked around. The lace curtains were shut as they were supposed to be. Nothing looked any different from the day before. Not that he could remember it exactly. He just had to hope it was. There was no way anyone could look into this room. He knew that.

His shaky fingers ran over the back of the books in the shelf. He wanted to concentrate on something to forget about the eerie feeling just now. Despite it being gone, his whole body was still shaking. There were a few crime novels and of course most of the bestselling novels of the past few years. Nothing he hadn’t expected. Most of the bestsellers didn’t even look like they had been read. Some of the crime novels on the other hand almost fell apart just by looking at them.

There were also some older books. Roderich’s finger ran over the author’s names. Horváth, Brentano, Arnim, Brothers Grimm – nothing written in the past 70 years. Roderich remembered some of them from school. Some of them didn’t look too bad. He took the fairy tales out of the shelf and walked over to the couch. He needed to sit down. And besides, there was nothing better than being comfortable while reading.

 

Roderich must have nodded off. He felt like he had been sleeping and the book had fallen down on the floor. As he reached for it, he heard what had woken him. He could hear noises from outside. It sounded like steps coming towards the house. He slowly got up. He didn’t want to get surprised by someone in here, where there was no place to hide.

He slowly sneaked to the hallway. At least, he wanted to see who was coming. Carefully, he peeked out hiding behind the doorframe. He heard a key being turned in the lock. Or was it really a key and not a lock pick? He noticed he had clenched his hands around the door frame. The door was slowly pushed open.

It had not even once occurred to him that Gilbert and Ludwig had eventually to come home.

Roderich almost felt down when he saw Ludwig enter the house. He was just so relieved. Somehow, he only had been able to think about strangers entering the house. He slid down with the hand on the doorframe. He felt like crying with relief as he watched Ludwig putting his keys on the board next to the door and his briefcase under the coat rack. It just all seemed suddenly so very normal.

Ludwig turned around when he heard the first sob. Quickly, he knelt down in front of Roderich and pulled him into his arms. “There,” he whispered. He soothingly stroked over the thin man’s back. “Did I scare you?”

He sounded so worried. Roderich couldn’t help but sob some more. He clinged to Ludwig. He just had been so worried just now. Softly, he shook his head. “I scared myself,” Roderich mumbled.

“I’m back home now,” Ludwig whispered. “You must have been lonely all by yourself this whole time.” He hugged Roderich once more. “Sorry we have left you alone.”

Roderich shook his head. “’s O.K.” Roderich knew he shouldn’t want him to stay home all day. He had to go to work and there surely were some other things. There was no reason to take care of him like he was still a little child.

Ludwig gave him a small peck on the cheek. “I bet you’re hungry,” he smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t bring you breakfast but you were sleeping so tight none of us wanted to wake you before we headed off to work.”

Roderich blushed a bit. He hadn’t even noticed that he hadn’t been eating all day. Of course he hadn’t even looked into the kitchen for some food. He didn’t want to be a burden. “You must be too,” Roderich mumbled. “You worked all day.”

Ludwig smiled. “A bit,” he answered. “Let’s make us some food, shall we?”

As Roderich nodded, Ludwig stood up and then helped him. Roderich wished he could refuse that. It made him feel even weaker. But he needed the help, no matter how ashamed this made him feel. He followed Ludwig into the kitchen.

“You can sit down at the table,” Ludwig said. He got some vegetables out of the freezer. “I thought about making some fish and cooked vegetables. Is this alright with you?”

Roderich nodded. It sounded really good to him. Now that he had noticed that he was hungry, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t wanted to eat all day. “But let me help preparing,” he said. He was not sure whether he could or not, but he didn’t want to just sit there and watch.

Ludwig laughed. “It’s nothing, I can easily do this alone,” he said. Swiftly, he washed the carrots and tomatoes. Roderich tensed, as Ludwig took a knife out of one drawer. He was glad the other stood with his back towards him. Sharp objects made him really nervous despite knowing that Ludwig would never harm him.

Roderich sighed. He felt so useless.

“So,” he began after watching Ludwig prepare for cooking for a while. “When will your brother be home? He was here yesterday before you.” He didn’t want to sound any huffish, but he was almost certain he did. It bothered him that Gilbert wasn’t there. He didn’t even know why. It just did him good he knew there was someone caring about him this much. Yesterday had almost felt like he was his boyfriend.

He had no idea if he wanted that. It might give Gilbert ideas.

“He texted me earlier that he has some urgent business to take care of,” Ludwig said without turning around. “I don’t know when he’ll be home. When he works overtime, he usually gets home pretty late. Sometimes, he even sleeps at his desk. Why do you ask?”

Roderich shrugged before he even noticed that Ludwig couldn’t see it. He didn’t even know himself why he wanted to know. It wasn’t like he missed him. He just noticed he wasn’t there. That was about all of it. But he couldn’t say that. “He promised me to call Elizabeta,” was what he finally settled for.

“Oh,” Ludwig made. “Well, you could call her from my cell.” He handed his phone over to Roderich. “I don’t mind if you go to the living room if you want a bit more privacy.”

Roderich shook his head. There was nothing he wanted to hide from Ludwig. He still considered him one of his closest friends, now more than ever. There wasn’t anything sensitive he wanted to talk about with her.

He looked through the address book of Ludwig’s phone. Using technology was always such a bother. One day he would eventually learn how to use it properly. But now, he had to scroll through all the names down to H. He really wished he knew her number by heart. But all these cell phone numbers were just so long and he hadn’t really cared before.

When he had finally found her number – and had managed to get the phone to dial it – he became nervous. He really wanted to talk to her, he missed her so bad. She was the only one he trusted to understand him when he didn’t know what to say. And she knew exactly how to calm him whenever he was upset. He knew this was one of many reasons why so many thought they were lovers. Or at least had thought so before.

With every beep his fear became more and more that he wouldn’t be able to reach her at all. Of course there could be good reasons for her not to answer his call. But inside, he couldn’t stay reasonable. He tried to tell himself that she maybe was still at work or Gilbert hadn’t been joking when he had told him that she had a new boyfriend. He knew perfectly well that she sometimes disappeared for a few days when she had a new lover just to reappear after they had broken up again.

Before his inner eye, he could see nothing but a dusty attic.

After a while, he gave up. He placed the phone on the table. Took a deep breath. Hid his shaking hands under the table. He was too afraid to sigh. He didn’t know what sound he would make if he dared to open his mouth. He didn’t notice that Ludwig had turned around.

And then suddenly, there was a large hand on top of his. Not to attack him, to control – it stroke the back of his hand. As he turned his head, he looked directly into Ludwig’s bright blue eyes. He couldn’t help but to blush.

“Do you want to have a taste?” Ludwig asked. Roderich finally noticed the spoon in the other’s hand. “I’m not sure whether I out enough pepper in it or not.”

Roderich nodded. He had never figured out how he could refuse anything Ludwig asked with that innocent look in his eyes. Sometimes, he suspected the younger did this on purpose. Carefully, he took the spoon out of Ludwig’s hand. The carrot didn’t taste too bad. It was a bit too soft for his liking, but the seasoning was just right. He had never taken Ludwig for the cooking type.

He forced a smile onto his face. “It’s really good,” he said.

Ludwig returned the smile. “That’s nice to hear,” he answered while he set the table for two. The portion he put down in front of Roderich looked so huge. But looking at the other plate, it suddenly wasn’t that much at all. He just didn’t feel hungry enough to eat all of that.

“Don’t we wait for Gilbert?” he asked.

Ludwig shook his head. “We would wait almost all night, I’m afraid,” he sighed. “I put his share in the stove to keep it warm. Don’t worry about him.”

Roderich didn’t know what to say to this. He didn’t want to object that. But he also couldn’t let Ludwig think he cared this much about his brother. So he simply concentrated on his dinner.

“Enjoy your meal.”

 

Lovino looked at a roadmap. His mood was bad. He had been brooding in his study almost all day. His plan had worked out well. But now, he had to figure out what exactly to do next.

Some of his men were keeping an eye on the police station. The bomb attack had caused a huge ruckus there, which he noted with pleasure. His men had the special order to keep close tabs on Beilschmidt.

Apparently, that guy had spent all day at the station. This worried Lovino a bit. He had expected him to get furious. To go out and search for him or proof or whatever Beilschmidt usually did when Lovino had done something to enrage him.

This wasn’t right in Lovino’s opinion. He wanted that stupid pig out there. He wanted to be able to see him so he could plan. There was nothing he could do at the station. Lovino needed him to get closer on him. He needed him for the final steps. He would show him what it meant to cross him one time too often. Other coppers had learnt that the same hard way as Beilschmidt would learn it.

The worst thing was, he had not yet found a good place to surveil Beilschmidt’s home. It was a substantial part of his plan. He had sent one of his men down there today to check the area. There was no place like he had hoped for. He couldn’t position the observer on the open street. In that part of town, the neighbors actually paid attention to strangers on the street.

He wanted the guy he sent there to observe to be seen by Beilschmidt and his brother. The best would be if even that whore saw him. He didn’t want the observer to collect information. He could have that a lot easier.

He wanted to scare Beilschmidt. He had found that his loathed enemy usually got angrier when he felt insecure. And he wanted an angry enemy. Angry enemies fell easier for traps. He wanted Beilschmidt in his hand really bad.

Lovino just hadn’t thought about how exactly he should lure him into a trap. He could just break in Beilschmidt’s home during the day – well, that meant he would send some of his most reliable men – and snatch his toy away again. That should do it. But it needed a lot of planning.

Beilschmidt was never home all day, his brother neither. Lovino had already once send over just to try. Even more than once. Too bad Beilschmidt more or less knew what he did. It would take too much effort to break in just for fun.

So Lovino had decided to take a closer look at the neighborhood. There was bound to be one house for sale there. He needed one. So there would be one before too long. Maybe he would even make one man live there permanently. He could visit there for dinner and piss Beilschmidt off without doing anything wrong. That would be just about perfect.

He just had to find an appropriate place…


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert comes home to have an astonishing talk with Roderich and a frightening one with his brother. - Lovino has a talk with a spy.

Gilbert flipped through the same report for the fourth or sixth time. He rubbed his eyes. He felt like he had been reading these reports about the bombing all day long – looking at the watch on his desk, it was closer to all day and half of the night. Trouble was, he still couldn’t quite figure out what it had been about.  
The day before, he had been sure this attack had been to enrage him by hitting someone close to him. But once he had stopped and thought about it, it didn’t make any sense. None of victims had been particularly close to him. It all seemed just so random.  
He looked at the pictures of the lawn. That didn’t seem random at all. Gilbert sighed. He was sure the message was meant for him. But he wasn’t sure what it was supposed to mean. He could read the words just right but that couldn’t be all to it. Had it been just a warning as it looked like or hadn’t Lovino known that he would be off work by then? He couldn’t imagine the other to make a mistake like that but it was nevertheless possible.  
He pushed some paper around his desk. They had not yet found any trigger, neither their men nor the firefighters. As far as Gilbert knew the assumptions about what had happened, it really had been a gas explosion. They just didn’t have any proof that it hadn’t been a tragic accident. Gilbert knew they only would if they were lucky. Vargas tended to work in a way that left no traces.  
Pushing his chair back, Gilbert sighed. His boss had ordered him to stay at his desk and do paperwork for the meantime until some of the ruckus had settled down. Gilbert had no idea how that should keep him any safer. But he did as he was ordered to. What else was there for him to do? This way, he could at least look through all the reports and images of the last few incidents he connected to Vargas. Deep down, Gilbert was sure there was a pattern.  
He really needed some more coffee, Gilbert decided stifling another yawn.  
His private cell rang as he was standing in the tea kitchen waiting for his coffee to boil. As he looked down on it, he saw that it was his brother. Having had all day to think about what Vargas might do next, this made him alarmed. Ludwig almost never called him when he was at work, no matter how late the hour.  
“Yeah?” he said as he accepted the call. He hoped he didn’t sound too concerned. “Is everything all right?”  
“Gilbert? Well, sure, why shouldn’t everything be all right?” Ludwig sounded normal to Gilbert, just a bit confused.  
“Then why do you call?” Gilbert put his cell between his ear and his shoulder so he could pour the coffee into his mug.  
Ludwig sighed. “I wanted to know if and when you plan on coming back home tonight,” he said. “I’m worried about you when you work this late.” He paused. “And Roderich asked about you. More than once. I think it would be better for him if you didn’t sleep at the office tonight.”  
Gilbert’s heart skipped a beat. “He asked about me? Why?”  
“How would I know. Maybe he wants you to eat his share of dinner by what he’s eaten today,” Ludwig replied. “I didn’t ask him.”  
“What did you have?” Gilbert hadn’t eaten any real meals that day. Dinner – especially dinner cooked by his brother – did sound tempting. The paperwork would still be there the next day. It wasn’t like stuff like that grew legs and ran away overnight.  
“Fish,” Ludwig said flatly. “But don’t let that keep you away. I just thought light food would be for the best. … Gilbert, just come home, okay?”  
There was something in his brother’s voice that made his senses tingle. “I’ll be home soon,” he said. He just grabbed some folders and stuffed them into his backpack before he flung it over his shoulders. “Lock the door, okay? I’m on my way.”  
“Don’t worry,” Ludwig said before he hung up. “We’ll be alright.”  
Gilbert doubted that. Suddenly, he had a bad feeling about them. He hurried out of the station and told one of his colleagues on his way out that he was heading home. Driving, he just barely stayed in the speed limit. The faster he would be home the sooner he would feel save. As he drove over a crossing he even sped up some more. Looking in the rear mirror he was glad he had. The car coming from the right would have hit him if he hadn’t. He was too determined to get home fast to think about this twice.  
He parked his car on the street before their house and hurried to the door. It took him more than two tries to put the key in the lock because he was in such a hurry. He wouldn’t feel at rest until he saw to it that both of them were safe and sound. When he finally managed to unlock the door and open it, he slid inside and immediately shut and locked it again.  
Gilbert let out a deep breath.  
“Gilbert?” His brother had stepped out of the living room and looked at him. “Why are … why… Did you get here from the station?”  
Gilbert nodded. He didn’t feel like talking just now.  
Ludwig pushed his hair back. “Well, that was fast to say the least,” he sighed. “I hope you didn’t do something reckless. Your dinner is in the stove.” And with this he turned around.  
“Wait,” Gilbert panted. “There isn’t anything wrong here you couldn’t tell me over the phone?”  
Ludwig shot him a look that clearly said ‘Later’ but he told him: “No, why would there be?”  
Gilbert shrugged. “Must be imagining things,” he mumbled.  
“Anyways, come to the living room when you grabbed your dinner,” Ludwig said before he left.  
That made Gilbert wonder. His brother was pretty strict about his eat only in the kitchen-policy. That he would forget it sounded too unlikely. Gilbert took of his shoes and hung his jacket and rucksack neatly on the coat rack. His stomach grumbled. He really needed to get something to eat. Luckly, there seemed to be something still warm for him in the stove.  
Gilbert wrinkled his nose as he saw what the so called dinner was. It looked like fish and vegetables and it also smelled like it but he wasn’t sure if it would taste like anything at all. A quick bite told him the same. He wondered if something this tasteless could even count as food. He was hungry, though, so he took the plate out of the stove anyway. But he put some ketchup and mayonnaise on it as well to make up for the taste of the dinner. He just hoped Ludwig wouldn’t mind too much.  
When he entered the living room he found his brother and Roderich closely to each other on the couch. For a second or two it looked to Gilbert like they had been cuddling. The TV was on but it didn’t look like they had been paying too much attention since there was some stupid Rosamunde Pilcher film running. Gilbert sat down in the armchair a bit off to the side. He didn’t want to disturb the two of them in whatever they were doing.  
“Whatcha watching?” Gilbert grumbled. He had noted that Roderich was clinging to his brother’s arm and suddenly felt like he was in a very bad mood.  
“Anything but the things you like,” Ludwig answered. It sounded like a joke but there was a warning undertone in his voice that told Gilbert it wasn’t a good idea to ask to change the program.  
“Doesn’t look like you’re watching anything,” Gilbert remarked. He leaned a bit forward to look into Roderich’s face that was half hidden by his brother. It looked like he was sleeping. He shot his brother a questioning look but only got a shaking of his head as an answer.  
Roderich suddenly sat up straighter and rubbed his eyes. “Huh? Gilbert,” he mumbled. “I thought you wouldn’t come home tonight.” He yawned.  
“I didn’t plan to but Ludwig bribed me with the promise of tasty food,” Gilbert grinned as he pushed some tasteless unrecognizable piece of vegetable into the ketchup and turned it until it was completely covered before he ate it.  
“I just said that there was food,” Ludwig grumbled. “I can’t remember to say anything about its taste.”  
“Well, I’m here anyways,” Gilbert tried to conclude this argument. He didn’t want to have to cook his own dinner for the rest of the month just because he had disgruntled his brother.  
“I’m glad you are,” Roderich mumbled. He sounded so sleepy Gilbert wondered if he had been waiting up for him. That would be bad. He didn’t want him to get too dependent on him. On the other hand the thought of it felt nice. Ludwig never had felt obliged to wait.  
Gilbert smiled. He couldn’t have not smiled after this thought. “Did you stay up to wait for me?” he asked. “You shouldn’t have.”  
Roderich shook his head. “I didn’t at first,” he said. “We were talking and then Ludwig said he would call you to ask when you would be home. When he said you would be here soon I just didn’t want to go to bed without telling you good night. That’s all.”  
Gilbert nodded. Just the kind of answer he had expected. He really shouldn’t get his hopes up. “Well, should I see to it that you get to bed now then, shouldn’t I?” he smiled anyway, putting his empty plate on the couch table. He got up and stretched. “Want to go right away? You look really tired.” Gilbert wouldn’t mind Roderich leaving Ludwig’s side. The scene he had walked into had made him think too much about how they had gotten to know each other.  
Roderich carefully stood up as well. Gilbert noticed that Ludwig seemed to be helping him. He knew his jealousy was childish. There wasn’t going to happen anything between them. He just wasn’t that sure this was true anymore. Regardless, Gilbert stepped in and took Roderich by his arm.  
“I can walk on my own,” Roderich huffed. He didn’t try to shake Gilbert off though.  
“Sorry.” Gilbert retrieved his hand. He watched Roderich walk unsteadily towards the door. Gilbert was about to follow him to be able to catch him when his brother handed him a book.  
“Just put it on his nightstand. I think he might need something to do when we’re gone,” Ludwig explained.  
“Grimm’s fairy tales, huh?” Gilbert read the title. “These are stupid. There are more awesome authors from that period.”  
Ludwig shot him a look that made him shut up. “Fine, I’ll take it,” Gilbert grumbled. He left before his brother could say anything else.  
He reached Roderich half way up the stairs. He heard him panting. It looked like he would need to take walking a bit slower. Without saying a word, Gilbert took the other’s hand and helped him up to the top where he let go again. This time, Roderich didn’t say anything about it.  
“Well, good night then,” Gilbert said as they reached the door to the spare bedroom he already had started to call Roderich’s in his mind.  
“G’night,” Roderich said. He looked down. As Gilbert looked down as well he noticed that the other was holding his sleeve.  
“Is there anything else?” he asked.  
“I-inside?” the other murmured.  
Gilbert was surprised but nodded. “Sure,” he said. He waited for the other to get ready and into bed. It still shocked him how thin he was under the clothes. Subconsciously, he bit his lower lip.  
When Roderich was ready, Gilbert sat down by his bedside. “It’s almost like when Ludwig was younger,” Gilbert laughed. He wanted to change the gloomy mood.  
“Please don’t go,” Roderich whispered.  
Gilbert raised an eyebrow. “Should I stay until you fall asleep again?”  
Roderich shook his head. “Don’t leave me without telling,” he whispered. It was almost a sob.  
Gilbert pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “We just thought it was better to let you sleep. We must have scared you, right?” He could slap himself for making the other feel that bad just because he hadn’t been thinking. It wasn’t like he didn’t tell Ludwig before he left.  
Again, Roderich shook his head. “Tell me when you’re planning to be home, will you?” he sobbed. “Then I won’t feel this lonely.”  
Gilbert hugged him tighter. “I will,” he said. “I promise to be home earlier, too. So try to sleep now.” He smiled down at him even though inside he didn’t feel like smiling at all. “So I can wake you tomorrow morning.”  
Roderich nodded. He slowly laid down. With his eyes closed, he whispered: “Sorry for being such a burden.”  
Gilbert leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Don’t be,” he said. “You aren’t. I’m glad you’re here with us. Just like Ludwig is too.” He stood up. “Good night. Get some rest. If you can’t sleep, just call for one of us.”  
“Gilbert?” he was called when he was halfway at the door. He turned around. “Promise me you will protect me?”  
Gilbert smiled at him. “Of course,” he said. “I promise I’ll protect you from any harm. I won’t let anyone snatch you away again.”  
When Gilbert went downstairs again, he was humming. He had waited at Roderich’s door for a while until he had heard the other’s breathing become slower and deeper. He hoped that man would sleep through the night without any help today.  
His good mood was because this had been the first time it had sounded like Roderich finally wanted to be protected by him. He’d never thought it would be this soon but he had been hoping for it. He just wished he wouldn’t look so scared and close to crying all the time.  
Gilbert feared the moment when he was asked about Antonio again. The look in Roderich’s eyes when he did almost broke him the last time.  
Ludwig was in the kitchen cleaning. Gilbert had no idea how his brother always found something to clean but every time he was worried there was definitely something that was in desperate need of cleaning. The memory of the edge in Ludwig’s voice when he had called him earlier hit Gilbert like a blow. His good mood was gone as sudden as it had come.  
Gilbert leaned against the counter. “So, what’s wrong?” he demanded to know. “And don’t you try to deny it. I know you well enough to know there is something that deeply worries you. So spit it out! Now!”  
Ludwig sighed. Gilbert saw his back straighten. Ludwig placed the sponge he had used for cleaning aside. “Roderich said he had felt watched this afternoon,” he said calmly. “Don’t freak out,” he added quickly. “At first, I thought he had just been imagining things but while I was cooking I also felt watched. There was a guy I have never seen before standing on the other side of the street. He didn’t move for a while. That’s why I called you. I- I wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t look like a threat, more like-“  
“-a warning,” Gilbert completed the sentence. Ludwig nodded. Gilbert was shaking with rage. How dared that little bastard to threaten his home and family! It felt so much like it was against some sort of rules. Gilbert hadn’t even noticed he had turned his hands into fists. He felt so much like tracking Vargas’ home down and go there right away, just to say “Hi!”.  
“You aren’t planning to do something reckless, are you?” Ludwig carefully asked. He had turned around to face his brother. “it could have been something totally normal, you know. It could be someone waiting to be picked up or something like this. There might be another logical explanation for all this.”  
“Don’t tell me you believe that,” Gilbert snorted.  
Ludwig shrugged. “It could be,” he said.  
“No way,” Gilbert decided. “I’ll call in sick tomorrow.” He held up his hand as Ludwig was about to protest. “My boss wants me to take a break anyway. As long as I call in every day, I doubt he would mind. And that guy might come back tomorrow. I just want to take a look at him.”  
“Fine,” Ludwig sighed. He stifled a yawn. “Roderich was sleeping, wasn’t he?”  
Gilbert nodded. “And it looks like you should be, too,” he said. He patted his little brother on the shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get to bed.”  
~*~  
Lovino was sitting at his desk, in a huge leather chair. He wasn't sitting there properly, with his legs dangling over the armrest. In his hand, there was a knife-shaped letter opener in his hand – or was it a real knife? - and he played with it. He was in a very good mood. Just like the night before.  
But somehow, this mood seemed to be lost on the man before him.  
The man standing on the other side of the desk shivered. They were alone in the room but that had failed to put him at ease as well. There were a hundred and more stories about the things Lovino was capable of, both true and fictional, but greatly exaggerated either way. Lovino himself encouraged the rumors. They helped him a great deal in keeping everyone in check.  
He placed the letter opener slowly on the table. The eyes of the other man followed the shining blade with an expression of sheer horror. Lovino smiled to himself. “So, you say they saw you when you were observing?” he asked. “Are you sure of that? Don't lie to me. This won't serve you well.”  
The man, his spy, gulped. His Adam’s apple jerked up and down a few times. Then, he slowly nodded. “I- I'm sure,” he said. “Well,” he then added stammering. “At least I think they did. Twice.” When he was finished his voice sounded more like a high pitched squeal.  
“You think they did,” Lovino repeated. He was still smiling. He swung his legs down and turned at the same time to his guest. His hands came down folded on the table. “Please elaborate.”  
The man looked like he was ready to run but too scared to do so. Lovino sniveled. Well, at least his guest was still in control of his bladder. “The curtains moved in the afternoon, when I was watching the house,” he said. “But I'm sure he didn't see me.”  
Lovino rolled his eyes. The other had started blabbering about how he was sure the whore hadn't been able to see him and how he was certain that during the afternoon, nobody had seen enough of him to tell it was him. He wouldn't have minded if the other would finally come to a point now.  
“... the one who came back in the evening definitely saw me though,” was the first thing that made Lovino listen again. He leaned forward a bit.  
“The silver haired guy?” he asked.  
Uncomfortable with the sudden attention, the other shook his head. “No, the blonde,” he said. “He was directly looking at me and I immediately left. I'm not sure if he could recognize me, but he saw that I was there and what I was doing. He also pulled all the curtains shut after seeing me.”  
Lovino nodded. Just as he had expected. He had hoped for something else though. “Too bad,” he remarked. “But it can't be helped. You can leave now. ...or no, you can go back to your observation point.” Lovino smiled. “Let's see if you can do it better this time.” He surely didn't hope so. The so called spy had done just as he wanted him to. He had failed and had been seen, just like Lovino had wanted him to. He didn't plan on telling him this though.  
Lovino waited for the other to leave. He turned his chair around to face the wall. He was smiling almost from ear to ear. This had been fun. His bad mood had become better. And the message he had gotten just before the useless spy had interrupted him had also been a good thing.  
He needed to tell his stupid brother not to make plans for Friday. They would go house visiting.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roderich has a good day

Gilbert was standing at the window and peered outside. He felt on edge, even though he hadn't seen anything suspicious the past few days. Granted, he had only seen anything he could call suspicious once in the past week, but he still had to do something to justify staying at home before himself. Watching the street has proven itself to be the best. Especially after Roderich had made it clear that he didn't like having a nervous policeman sitting next to him all day. Or even in the same room for that matter.

With a sigh, Gilbert let go of the curtain and took a step away from the window. There was no point watching the street when it was as empty as this. Maybe Vargas had given up on relying on a bad spy. Following the thought, he wondered if they would find a John Doe anytime soon. Or – and that thought stung a bit – he had achieved what he had hoped to achieve in giving Gilbert a reason to stay home, away from work. He really hoped this wasn't true.

“Are you done spying?” Roderich asked, glancing up from the e-reader Ludwig had lent him. Even though Gilbert didn't say so out loud he was glad his brother had. Finally, they had found something that Roderich seemed to enjoy doing. From what Ludwig had told him, Gilbert knew Roderich was reading himself through everything on the device.

“For now,” Gilbert admitted reluctantly. He returned to the couch and let himself drop on it, his arms crossed. Almost never going out – he had promised his boss to stay out of view for the time he took off – made him restless. And he grew more restless every day. This was unproductive to no end and knowing that Vargas was out there plotting and doing as he pleased without Gilbert himself on his heels.

Roderich shrugged. He had grown used to this behavior. It was just like Gilbert had behaved for the last two days. He could be sure Gilbert would get up again in a few minutes, either to pace up and down like a caged animal or resume his watch post at the window. He returned his attention to the device in his hand.

“I just wished I could go out,” Gilbert sighed. “You know, more than short trips to the bakery or the supermarket. But...” He didn't want to leave Roderich on his own, not after Ludwig had spotted a spy outside their house, and Gilbert had been able to confirm this a day later. The week staying at home had started getting to him, but it wasn't something he couldn't bear. Not, when he thought he was doing this for Roderich's sake.

Roderich sighed, putting the e-reader down. They had had this conversation the day before and the day before that. But instead of saying what he usually said – “You know, you could go out alone?” – he suggested, “We could ask Elizabeta to meet with us.”

Gilbert looked at him – he just hoped it wasn't as dumbfounded as he felt. “Really?” he asked, just to make sure. He had expected anything but Roderich proposing to meet with anyone, not even with Elizabeta. He knew the two of them had talked over the phone once or twice during the past week. Gilbert hadn't dared to listen on them, but they had talked for quite a while, more than an hour at least. It had done Roderich a world of good, from what Gilbert could tell.

“Really,” Roderich said, nodding. He even tried to smile. “I would like to see her.” He took a deep breath and was about to say something. But then, he sighed and pressed his lips together.

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. “What was that?” he asked. “The thing you didn't say. I didn't catch it.” He grinned. Teasing, he had learned, sometimes worked with Roderich. At other times, it at least made him react. And right now, Gilbert really was interested in what Roderich had wanted to say before he stopped himself.

The only answer he got was a shaking of Roderich's head. “It's nothing,” he sighed. For a while, neither of them said anything. Gilbert, because he wanted to hear what Roderich had to say and didn't want to push too much. He assumed Roderich was keeping silent because he didn't know if he really wanted to say out loud what he had been thinking.

“Maybe, I don't know, if it works...” Roderich stammered, looking down at his hands. “We could try … Maybe, you know, meeting her at … her place? Or even...” He sighed, his voice trailing off as he lost the confidence to go on. All he could do was shrug helplessly and hope for Gilbert to understand what he meant, despite all the babbling on his part.

“You want to go out?” Gilbert asked. He had to ask. It was hard to believe what he had heard or what he had thought to hear. It was Roderich who had said it after all. Roderich who flinched when he walked past a window and happened to glance outside.

Roderich raised his shoulders in defense and then let them drop again. “I don't know,” he sighed. “Maybe. If it works, yes. But I just don't know.” He sighed. “I'm afraid of going outside,” he murmured as if that was a secret he decided to confine to Gilbert. “I feel even more vulnerable and watched there. Like …” He sighed.

Gilbert nodded. He understood. “Don't go on,” he said, smiling. “I know, okay? We'll try. If it works, we'll see where we meet Elizabeta. Either at hers or at a cafe, depending on what you feel comfortable with. If it doesn't works, I'll ask Elizabeta to come over. All right?” He took Roderich's hand in his and squeezed it lightly. “Don't push yourself.”

Roderich smiled briefly without raising his head. “Thank you,” he said. “I won't.” He sounded confident but Gilbert had learned to look behind the facade Roderich had gradually put up during the last few days. Ludwig considered this a good sign for Roderich's recovery. Gilbert wasn't that sure, but he simply hoped for the best.

“So, should we try it right now?” Gilbert asked. He refrained from clapping his hands together. Loud noises scared Roderich a lot, Gilbert had learned. Loud cursing was all right, as long as it didn't happen in the room Roderich was present. But no slamming of doors or sudden clapping. Gilbert smiled encouragingly. “While you still feel like trying.”

To his surprise, Roderich nodded. He didn't look happy, but he nodded. Gilbert would have called the look on his face determined, at best. Roderich still pressed his lips together, still stared at the floor in front of him. “You will be there all the time, right?” he whispered, barely audible.

Gilbert squeezed the hand again. “Of course,” he said, smiling encouragingly. “If you want me to, I'll even hold your hand all the time. I'll be there. And I'll watch out for you.” He meant it.

After taking a deep breath, Roderich stood up. Gilbert did so as well, noticing that the other man was shaking lightly. He didn't let go of the hand he was holding. As long as Roderich let him, he would hold onto him. Just to make sure the man he wanted to show his support to knew he was there. No matter what, he would help him. Whatever that would mean for him to do, everything necessary would be done.

They walked to the front door in silence. There, they stood a moment or two. Gilbert waited for Roderich to make the first move towards the door. Which never came. Gilbert half suspected that Roderich had lost his courage. But he didn't want him to give up just now. So, Gilbert asked, “Do you want me to open the door for you?”

For a moment, Roderich seemed ready to run from the mere thought of opening the door. Then, he straightened up visibly, before replying, “Yes, please.” His voice shook, but Gilbert decided to ignore that. He didn't want to put more pressure on him than he already must be feeling. Instead, without letting go of Roderich's hand, Gilbert unlocked the door – he didn't feel well when the door wasn't locked – and slowly opened it.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, when the both of them were looking outside through the open door. “Still all right?” He was really worried about Roderich. The wish to go outside had been sudden, Gilbert understood that. Even looking outside, without anything between him and the world was a step to normality with Roderich.

And Roderich looked like he was too shocked to even consider running. He still nodded. “All right,” he said, even though he said it through clenched teeth. He took a slow, reluctant step forward, towards the open door and the outside world.

Gilbert bit his lips. He really wanted this to work out. But just as much he wanted Roderich not to push himself too much, not too far in a direction he didn't want to go. He didn't dare to question the determination Roderich was currently displaying. It did scare him a bit.

He followed Roderich to the doorstep. With every step, they covered less space and took longer breaks in between. Gilbert stayed by Roderich's side, waiting for the other man to take the next step. More than once, he was close to calling it a day. He didn't like the way all color had vanished from Roderich's face, the way his hands were getting more and more sweaty the closer they got to the threshold. It were only a handful steps but it took them what felt like an eternity to cover.

When they had finally reached the doorstep, Roderich leaned against the frame, breathing heavily. “Would you,” he said, struggling for breath. “Would you go first?”

Gilbert sighed. “Of course,” he said. What he rather wanted to say was something on the line of this being enough excitement for one day and that he would call Elizabeta over. Instead, he let go of Roderich's shaking, sweaty hand as he stepped outside.

He turned around with a smile on his face and encouraging words on his tongue, just to see that Roderich was crying, his hands now both clinging to the door frame like it was his anchor and only protection.

Within a second, the smile had not even fully dropped from Gilbert's face, he was by Roderich's side, stroking his arm and whispering soothing words. He felt so helpless. He didn't even know what to do and even if he had, waiting was probably the best option. So he waited, whispering things like “It's all right, I'm right here, we can go if you want.” and petting Roderich's shaking frame.

Minutes passed, the silence between them only interrupted but Roderich's more or less quiet sobs. “Let's get back inside,” Roderich finally whimpered. “I can't do this. Not today, at least.” He shook worse than ever.

Gilbert nodded. He helped Roderich to get back on his feet again and steadied him as they walked back inside. The door was kicked shut behind them. He steered Roderich to the couch, where they sat down, Gilbert's arm wrapped around Roderich and holding him close.

“I'll tell Elizabeta to come here,” Gilbert sighed. It could have worked, he told himself, unable to believe it.

点点点

Elizabeta arrived half an hour later. Gilbert was glad she hadn't been busy when he called. Even though he was confident that he could handle Roderich on his own, he had to admit that Elizabeta was better at consoling him. But only barely. They had made some progress in their relationship lately, after all. Or at least Gilbert really hoped so. It would be a nice little revenge on Vargas if Roderich recovered again. This thought kept him going when all his well-minding was used up after a long boring day at home with nothing but Roderich's company.

The sound of the doorbell ringing caused Roderich to jump a little in Gilbert's arms, but it wasn't anything Gilbert needed to worry about. He had almost jumped himself at the sudden noise. “Door's open!” Gilbert shouted. Even though it would only mean some more seconds in which he could hold Roderich close, he didn't want to cut it unnecessarily short.

The bell rang again. “Open!” Gilbert repeated, covering Roderich's ear closer to his mouth with a hand.

“I noticed that, moron,” Elizabeta yelled back. “I still want you to get your ass to the door. I got both my hands full.” Gilbert looked at Roderich who simply shrugged. So he had no idea either what Elizabeta could have her hands full with. “How long do you intend to keep me waiting?” Elizabeta then already yelled again. “Open the god damn door.”

Gilbert rolled his eyes, but he pushed himself off the couch none the less. He hated to let go of Roderich but the latter followed him to the door, which he took as a positive sign. On the other hand, it might just mean that Roderich didn't want to be left behind on his own or was eager to see Elizabeta. Either way, it was better than letting go of him completely, Gilbert decided as he took Roderich's hand.

Much to Gilbert's surprise, he found that Elizabeta actually had her hands full when he opened the door. Roderich had decided to hide behind him, but the way Elizabeta smiled at something behind Gilbert at least peering over his shoulder. “Hey there,” Elizabeta beamed at Roderich. The only greeting Gilbert reachieved was having shoved two big bags of groceries shoved into his arms.

“What's this?” Gilbert asked. He didn't like being ignored, but being ignored and treated like a servant at the same time was definitely worse. “Do you think we're starving?” Why the hell had she brought two bags of groceries with her?

Elizabeta turned back at him and gave him a long look up and down. Her eyes clearly said that she could be tempted to think so looking at the two of them. It wasn't like Gilbert didn't know he was thin, even too thin sometimes. “I thought I bring you guys something to do instead of just visiting,” she said with a smile. “But I didn't know what – if you had anything there for my needs, so I brought everything. Well, the ingredients at least, I hope you have bowls and a mixer.”

Gilbert retrieved a glass of cherries from one of the bags. “What are you planning?” he asked. It looked like she wanted to bake or cook, but you couldn't be too sure, he decided. Still, he walked into the kitchen – the bags had started to get heavy – sure both of them would follow him.

“Making Donauwelle,” Elizabeta said. She watched Gilbert unpacking the ingredients on the counter, neatly arranging everything for a second before she turned back to Roderich and took both his hands into hers. “You would like this, right?”

When a small smile appeared around the corners of Roderich's mouth, Gilbert's heart leaped a bit. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hug or punch Elizabeta for that. Maybe both. “It's a lovely idea, dear,” Roderich said, making Gilbert's want to hug Elizabeta disappear. But then, Roderich turned to Gilbert. “I mean, it's good, if it's all right with you, Gilbert. It's your kitchen after all.”

Gilbert rolled his eyes. As if he would forbid anything that could make Roderich smile again. “Actually, it's Lud's,” he said, looking around in the cabinets for a bowl or – hopefully – more than one. “I just have the right to access the fridge now and then.” He laughed. “But as long as we keep it clean, there shouldn't be any problems.” Ha, there, he had found three plastic bowls stacked into each other and even a sieve on top of that. He put all of that on the counter to the ingredients.

“Good,” Elizabeta decided. She rolled up her sleeves and went over to the sink, taking the bowls and the sieve with her to wash them and her hands. Roderich took a tea towel to dry the bowls afterward, standing a bit closer to her than necessary for that. When they were done, he washed his hands as well.

By then, Gilbert had found everything he thought they would need. He really hoped he hadn't forgotten anything. “I hope you know the recipe,” he murmured. He had no idea how baking worked, except for Christmas cookies and the occasional pizza.

“I do,” Roderich said, before Elizabeta could even answer. “I used to …” He gulped. “I used to bake a lot and this was always one of my favorites.” He explained, his voice shaking only so lightly. “But I'm sure I still know how to do this.” He looked at Gilbert with a confidence that he hadn't thought possible.

“Okay, then tell us what to do,” Gilbert smiled. You got to hand it to Elizabeta, she sometimes had pretty good ideas.

“Drain the cherries, but catch the juice,” Roderich said, already rearranging the ingredients to his liking. He held up the rum Elizabeta had brought. “Why didn't you by the cheapest?” he asked. He put the bottle down again. Instead, he put the butter, eggs and sugar closer to the biggest of the bowls.

“I thought, this way we could drink some of the leftovers,” Elizabeta said. She leaned against the counter and waited for Roderich to tell her what to do.

And Roderich did tell her and Gilbert as well. He had still been unsure at first, carefully weighting butter and sugar into the bowl. But the longer he baked, the surer he got. His orders came out more confident by the time they put the cake in the oven and started with the topping.

Gilbert was baffled, to say the least. He had half expected that baking together should work with Roderich – it had been Elizabeta's idea after all and she did know him better than anyone – but he would never have thought it would go this well. He was like a different person – maybe the one he had been before he had met Vargas. Gilbert found himself thinking that he would've liked to met Roderich back then, just as much as he enjoyed being with him now, even though he was a source of constant worry to him.

“You really like baking, huh?” Gilbert remarked as he watched Roderich making the topping for the cake. Roderich nodded without looking up from the bowl. “Why didn't you say so?” Gilbert sighed.

“I didn't want to be more of a burden than I already am,” Roderich whispered softly. As far as Gilbert could tell, he wasn't shaking at all, looking more content than ever before.

Gilbert rolled his eyes. “How often do I have to tell you that you aren't a burden at all?” Then, he smiled brightly. “And besides, letting you bake means cake.” He sniffed. “Delicious cake from the smell of it.”

Roderich shook his head, his cheeks slightly pink. “It really is nothing,” he murmured, concentrating more closely on what he was doing.

点点点

“I wish I could taste a piece just now,” Elizabeta sighed. They were done baking – and, astonishing enough, cleaning the kitchen – and now sitting in the living room, a cup of coffee in front of each of them. “It smells so good and the look of it and …” She let out another exasperated sigh. “I just wish I could have a bite now.”

Roderich laughed. “You can't,” he said, smiling. “You have to wait until the chocolate has cooled. It's only half as good before.” He was holding his cup in both hands, nursing at it from time to time, warming either his hands or simply needing something to hold on. Gilbert couldn't tell either way.

Elizabeta huffed. “Oh well,” she said. “Too bad.” She glanced at the clock, like she had done some times before. “But I'll have to leave soon. I promised...” She blushed, shooting Gilbert a quick glance that meant to shut him up. “I promised to be home for dinner.” She concluded.

Despite what she might have expected, Roderich smiled. “That's wonderful,” he said warmly. “How is he?” He sounded eager to hear about him. Gilbert would have loved to hear about Elizabeta's boy friend as well. He just wasn't sure if Roderich truly wanted to touch the topic, as he edged a bit closer towards Gilbert when he spoke.

“Tall and really good-looking,” she smiled. “I mean, he's a real hunk. Definitely not your type and totally straight. I think I got lucky this time. I could stare into his dark eyes for almost all eternity, well, if he would let me at least ...” Gilbert rolled his eyes. He had no intention to listening to this girly kind of babble. But Roderich seemed to be genuinely interested in Elizabeta's love life, so he didn't object.

Being this close to Roderich made it easy for him to space out. He wondered how he would react if he put his arm around Roderich. More interestingly, how would Elizabeta react if he did. He suspected she would hit him and then call him the next day to yell at him so Roderich couldn't hear her yell at him. He didn't like the prospect of that.

It wasn't like he didn't understand why the Elizabeta he imagined would yell at him. It was really like taking advantage of Roderich and his current emotional trauma. It would be wrong, very very wrong. And because he knew, he didn't dare to touch Roderich more than he was wanted to. It just wasn't right.

He couldn't follow this thought much more, as Elizabeta put her cup down and stood up, smiling at them. “I really, really should get going or I will be late,” she said, still glowing a little from the animated talk about her boyfriend. Roderich raised with her and hugged her close for a moment. He whispered something that made her laugh and Gilbert's deeply hidden jealousy spark to live again.

They walked Elizabeta to the door – with a quick stop in the kitchen to put some of the cake in a box for her to take home – where they bid her farewell. That, of course, included a lot of hugging and whispers between Roderich and her. Gilbert kept his own bidding to a minimum, one brief hug and then waving her off as she got into her car and drove off.

After Gilbert had closed the door, Roderich walked up to him and pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for this wonderful day,” Roderich whispered. Before Gilbert could react, Roderich had already walked off to the living room.

As he escaped his car in front of the house he intended to buy, Lovino wondered if he would make it through the viewing without murdering somebody. Feliciano was so excited about this, that he – as much as Lovino loved that dumb ass of a brother – got on Lovino's nerves a lot. But Lovino didn't say anything. He was a bit excited about this as well. And besides, he didn't want to yell at his brother.

The house his minion's had picked looked even nice in reality. Situated in a well-respected neighborhood, it had everything a happy four person family with dog needed. There was a strip of lawn out in front of it, a garage big enough for two cars and even a porch. From what Lovino gathered from his brother's constant babbling, it was what dumb little Feliciano had always dreamed about. Even Lovino had to admit it was nice. A bit too much like it had been taken out of some sort of catalog, but nice.

The estate agent was waiting in front of the house, her smile turning nervous when her glance fell on Lovino's frown. He just hoped that woman who looked like she had fallen headfirst into a pot of make-up didn't get the wrong idea about him. He wanted to get over with it as fast as possible and get the god damn contract signed.

Lovino answered the woman's greeting with a grumble, deciding to leave the civility to Feliciano, who was better at this anyway. So he walked a step behind his brightly smiling brother, as they were led inside, the agent already prattling away with Feliciano. Lovino didn't pay them any attention. It was better for his mental health.

The woman led them around the house, showing every room and praising it's assets. Like he needed to hear about them. It wasn't like he planed on staying in that house forever. It didn't even come close to his villa in every aspect. But he could see that this was rather a home then representative housing and Feliciano seemed to be so very fond of that. Maybe they would live here for a while, if Feliciano begged him enough. This could be something else than just work.

Speaking of work, he could see Beilschmidt's house on the other side of the street from the living room's windows. That was something he could get used to. There was a car he didn't know parked in front of it. So he had a guest, interesting. Maybe that information could help later.

The next room they were led in was the kitchen. Feliciano let out a squeal of delight at the sight of it. Even Lovino couldn't help an impressed whistle. From what it looked at first glance, it had everything, space, a big, modern stove and oven, stainless-steel freezer and a kitchen island in the middle. Immediately, Feliciano was inspecting every corner of the room, his eyes bright with delight. Lovino smiled to himself. If he had needed an argument to get his brother to move here, this kitchen would be it.

It took the agent a bit to convince Feliciano to continue the viewing and Lovino could tell that she hadn't expected this when she had made up her schedule. The woman rushed them through another room – the dinning room, but of course it could be used in any way they wanted as she assured them – and a small bathroom with toilet and a small shower – note that there was the hookup for the washing machine in that room. Lovino nodded to all that blabbering. Useful information, but he would have learned that on his own eventually.

They then went on upstairs, where they looked at three empty bedrooms and two other bathrooms, all of them reasonably big and one of the bathrooms even equipped with a large tub and an additional, very big shower. Lovino could get used to that place. He even had an idea about which bedroom he would like – after all, the master bedroom had it's windows to the street.

By the time they were finished with the inside of the house – save for the basement – the agent seemed to be nervous because of the mixed signals, she believed to get from the brothers. Lovino looked even more disgruntled than he had before, while Feliciano seemed to have fallen in love with the place. He even told Lovino so in Italian, when they were in one of the bedrooms and the agent told them some boring facts about the room. Lovino was by then set on buying the house no matter what.

They still viewed the garden – big lawn with a stone terrace by the house and some trees – and the basement – big, good as a storage room but Lovino could imagine using it for another purpose as well. The agent was so nervous she almost dropped the contract with the details. Lovino was pleased that she had thought to bring a contract as he had requested. He could tell she didn't expect him to sign and buy the house.

“Should we buy it?” Lovino casually asked his brother. He deliberately spoke Italian. Chances were that the agent would not understand them that way. Lovino didn't even need to look up from the contract to know his brother was beaming.

“I would love to,” Feliciano chimed. “Can we, fratello, can we?” Oh god, the boy was even jumping up and down a little with excitement. “Pleeaaase,” Feliciano added in a whiny tone.

Lovino's lips twitched into a smile. “I think we could,” he said thoughtfully. “If you really want, I mean. It's nice.” It took him some effort to admit that. He shouldn't be fine with anything but the best. Nice clearly wasn't the best. But if it could bring his little, dear brother some happiness, it could still be.

Before Lovino could help it, he was hugged by his enthusiastic little brother. “Thank you so much,” Feliciano cheered loudly into his ear. Even though Lovino quickly tried to push his brother away – or at least far enough away from his ears so he wouldn't go deaf – he couldn't say he disliked being hugged like this. Deep down, he loved his brother for it. He just didn't like admitting it. It would put the younger at risk was what he would tell anyone who was allowed to know this. Which was just about no one.

“Is a check okay with you?” Lovino asked the estate agent, now speaking English again. The woman flinched, suddenly snapping her attention back at him. This caused Lovino to smile a horrible smile. He liked it very much to strike terror in anyone's heart.

“Well, of course it is,” the agent said once she had recovered from the initial shock. Lovino was pleased to note that she tried not to act like she was afraid of him. Good. He liked courageous people. They tended to make stupid mistakes. Like, in this case, not thinking about where the money would come from or why the house even was on sale as long as it was an easy sale.

“Very well,” Lovino commented as he took out his checkbook and flipped it open. He asked her to clarify the price once more – adding ten thousand to the original sum but she went with it anyway, that cunning woman – Lovino didn't feel too bad about this. After all, it wasn't like he couldn't afford it. And things had gone so smooth with the previous owners they could have a nice little treat. He would see to it that the agent wouldn't forget to tell them about the price they had agreed on now.

Lovino wrote the numbers down on the check and signed it, ignoring that his brother's eyes had gone wide with the shock of hearing such a large sum Lovino was willing to pay without even consulting with his bank. Lovino was well aware that this wasn't the usual, but then again, the agent had known that he was in contact with the previous owners. So he could pretend he had planned to buy all along and had consulted his bank for a credit before viewing the house.

“I hope the Morrets will be pleased with this,” Lovino said. He knew they would be at least relieved when he paid them a visit the following week. But it wouldn't only be about the price for their house. And he wasn't a bad guy. He even paid them much more than the house was worth. He had looked into it before he had made any offer. Too bad they hadn't been willing to sell just for money. But he didn't mind a bit more convincing if he wanted something badly.

He handed the check and the signed contract over to the agent. She took it with slightly shaking hands, unable to hide that part of her uneasiness. But she smiled. “I'm sure they will be very pleased,” she said, studying the check and the signatures on the contract, before storing it away in her briefcase. “I will see to it that we can make the hand-over of keys as soon as possible. I'm sure that's also in your best interest. I will call you when everything is settled.”

Lovino shot her one of his most terrifying smiles. “I'm sure you will,” he said. By now, they were walking out the front door and to their cars, parked next to each other in front of the garage. They shook hands to say good-bye, Lovino delivering one short squeeze while Feliciano shook her hand almost too enthusiastically. The agent assured to call as soon as possible, handing Lovino a copy of the contract for his records, before she got into her car and drove off.

Lovino was still watching the car leave, when Feliciano hugged him, jumping up and down with his arms wrapped around his brother's neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he cheered. Lovino couldn't help himself but to smile. He even patted his brother's head.

“It's not ours yet,” he said. It wasn't like he assumed the check to blow but one could never knew. The chances for that, though, were microscopic. “But it will be soon. I hope you're ready to move.”

Feliciano smiled so bright the sun looked pale. “I am,” he chirped. “This is such a great neighborhood and the house is so nice and have you seen the kitchen? I'm so glad we move out of that giant villa to a real home. You know, I'm scared of that villa sometimes. It's too big and much too empty just for the two of us.”

Lovino nodded. His brother had told him so many times. He understood it, even though he didn't feel the same. But then again, that villa was his workplace. It would be nice to be able to divide work from home for a change.

“I'm so happy,” Feliciano said for what felt like the millionth time. “Let me cook for you today. To say thanks. I will cook your favorite food, just like Nono.” Lovino nodded absent mindedly. He was too busy watching the car leave from Beilschmidt's, a long haired woman driving it. Elizabeta Hedervary, he remembered. One of Antonio's and that whore's mutual friends. So she was either friends with Beilschmidt as well or just visiting a broken man. Another bit of something he would be able to use one day, he was sure.

He also nodded when Feliciano said he would need to shop for groceries then. That was easily done. Lovino drove them to the nearest supermarket. This way, they could also get to know some of their soon-to-be new surroundings which wasn't bad in Lovino's opinion. After all, he knew the neighborhood mostly from maps or the street view option of various search engines.

Lovino waited in the car while Feliciano waited inside. He had argued that Feliciano would be much faster on his own. The truth was, Lovino needed a break from his brother and a little time to get the next steps settled. He made a few calls and when Feliciano hadn't come back by then, he made some more, making sure that his visit at the Morrets would be a happy one for the family. He even thought about bringing them more than one present. Maybe some chocolate for the children and fruit for the parents. That seemed about right. After all, everything had gone smooth and according to plan.

Feliciano was running so late, Lovino started to wonder if he should go looking for his brother. Just when he had decided to do so, the supermarket's doors slid open. Feliciano walked out, a bag of groceries in his arms. Someone was with him and he waved at that person Lovino couldn't see when walked to his brother's car.

After Feliciano had stored his purchases safely away in the trunk and had seated himself back in the passenger seat again, Lovino asked, curiously, “Who was that?” He was in constant worry about his brother. He was leading a dangerous life with many ruthless enemies after all.

“One of our new neighbors,” Feliciano said. Was there something wrong with Lovino's ears or did he indeed sound dreamy? “He said he lives near to our new house and he's really nice. He helped me find the cinnamon!” Feliciano made this single act sound like the biggest show of chivalry possible. Lovino simply rolled his eyes. Sometimes, his brother was very easily impressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Donauwelle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donauwelle) Doesn't look like what I imagine but comes close enough and it's more about the explanation anyway.  
>  Special thanks to [BlackPanther1987](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2138264/) who came up with the name of the previous owners.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roderich and Gilbert both make some progress while Lovino is showing by what means he managed to get the house he bought in the last chapter on sale.

Roderich was looking out at the backyard through the terrace door. He could feel Gilbert staring at his back but didn't say anything. It was a bright and warm Saturday. Bright and warm enough for Ludwig to decide that he wanted to have a barbecue. Roderich didn't mind at all. It would be summer soon, Roderich knew. Weird to think about it that all he remembered from the previous summer that it had been unbearably hot in the attic.

Roderich had stepped aside to let Ludwig through, who had decided that since this was one of his days off, he could as well spend all of it playing around with the grill which hadn't been in use since the past fall, from what Roderich was told. Judging by the bucket in his hand, foam slowly sliding down on one side, and the sponge in his other, he meant to clean the thing first.

"Do you want to eat outside?" Gilbert said.

Roderich shrugged. "Do you want to?" he asked instead. Since Elizabeta's visit a week or two before – Roderich still had a horrible sense of time and he should do something about that soon – he hadn't tried to leave the house. He was more at ease with open curtains by now, but that seemed to be the only progress.

Gilbert smiled at him. Roderich had learned to consider the grin that graced Gilbert's lips at a lot of occasions as a way of smiling. Apparently, Gilbert wasn't very good at more normal smiles. "Of course I want to," he declared, pushing the sheets of paper in his hands onto the table in front of him which was also littered with what Gilbert had called reports and work before. "Eating outside is what you usually do when having a barbecue."

"Should we," Roderich sighed. He cleared his throat, trying to get the lump down. "Should we try to go outside?" he asked, his voice shaking. It wasn't that bad, he told himself. No one would be able to see him there, save for the next door neighbors. No one would be able to come up at him and snatch him away either, he told himself. It couldn't be too bad going outside. And he would have to eventually. He couldn't stay inside forever. He didn't want to.

For a moment, Gilbert seems to consider this. Roderich assumed that Gilbert was a bit annoyed by the last try, even though he'd never said so. Roderich himself was frustrated by that, so very frustrated, he couldn't imagined it not being worse for Gilbert. But in the end, Gilbert gets up, pushing his papers into some sort of order so there is only one big stash of paper left on the table instead of several small ones on table, couch and floor.

He took two cushions before he walked to Roderich. "We can try," he said. To Roderich, it almost sounded like a very resigned sigh. "Are you sure you really want to? That I'm not—we're not," he corrected himself "putting to much pressure on you to go outside, are we?" He looked worried, even to Roderich who still had trouble admitting that people might be worried about him.

Roderich quickly shook his head. "I don't want to stay inside forever," he sighed. He had not even once left this house since he had arrived. It couldn't be just him who found that highly worrying. Besides, he could stand next to an open door and enjoy the warm breeze coming in through it, so he should finally make the next step and go outside and enjoy the sun. It wouldn't try to kill him, he should know that.

It seemed, this was enough for Gilbert as he nodded, handing over one of the cushions to Roderich. "How about we sit down on the doorstep and talk?" he asked. It seemed like he had thought this through before. "That way, we wouldn't really be outside and if you need to, you could get back inside as soon as you want."

"Wouldn't we be in the way?" Roderich asked, his gaze resting on Ludwig, who was happily busy with his grill.

"Nah, we're fine," Gilbert reassured him. "He won't go back inside for quite a while, I'm sure of that. And even if, he has a mouth to talk." Roderich shook his head in disapproval, but didn't argue anymore. He wanted to do this, after all. He didn't want to give Gilbert the idea that he didn't.

So he took the cushion and settled down next to, but not exactly on the doorstep. This seemed good enough for Gilbert, who took his seat directly on the doorstep. Roderich was almost sure this would cause a little fight between the brothers later. That didn't seem to bother Gilbert at all who must know this just as well.

"So," Gilbert asked after a while they had spent watching Ludwig cleaning the grill. "Did Elizabeta tell you about her new boyfriend?"

Roderich rolled his eyes. Tact wasn't one of Gilbert's strong sides. "A little bit," he said. This wasn't true. Elizabeta had told him a lot about her new boyfriend and Roderich had already decided that he didn't like that guy at all.

Gilbert raised any eyebrow. "Aw, come on!" he moaned. "I know she told you more about him than she told me!" Roderich couldn't hold back a sigh. He didn't like this topic. But then again, he couldn't think of a better one. And the way Ludwig's jeans stretched when the young man bend forward was definitely everything but a good topic.

Roderich cleared his throat and banished the thoughts of a man he never had been interested in like that. "He seems to be a hunk," Roderich said grimly, repeating the word his best friend had used to describe the new man in her life. "And the longest relationship she ever had." Even that didn't help him thinking better of that guy.

Gilbert furrowed his brows. "That's good, isn't it?" he asked. "If she's happy with him and stuff, I mean."

Roderich sighed. "I hope so," he said. "Her taste in men is … inconsistent at best and dangerous at worst." He didn't feel good knowing that Elizabeta was dating a man he had never met. At least, she had told him about her so-called boyfriend without him asking. It wasn't enough to set his mind at rest though.

"What do you mean?" By now, Roderich was sure Gilbert and Elizabeta were either not that good friends or never talked about things like this.

"Ludwig's her type," Roderich explained. "Well, physically at least. But she never wanted to date him. Ever."

"She just wanted you to date him?" Gilbert chimed in. So he recalled the talk they had had before about this topic.

With a smile, Roderich nodded. "She really means well, you know?" He knew her reasons for setting him, and others of her male friends, up with other guys. No matter how you put it, he had always been grateful for that. Never for his dear life would he have flirted with another man otherwise. "When it came to me, as soon as we were friends, she only ever had meant well and put me before anything. She's the best friend I could have asked for. She's very dear to me."

"Sound's like you're married to her," Gilbert snorted.

Roderich shrugged. "If she hadn't set me up with guys and made me flirt with them, I probably would have asked her," he said, pleased by the disbelieving reaction this received from Gilbert. It even made him smile some more. "She's the most perfect woman I could ever imagine. It would be an honor to be her husband."

"I think, you're confusing things here," Gilbert said, still staring at him like he'd finally lost his marbles. "By perfect, you sure mean horrible or fearsome and by honor, I could only imagine to call it the worst punishment ever."

Roderich huffed. "You think, she's a witch," he said.

"No, I think she has bewitched you, totally different," Gilbert insisted.

All Roderich could do was shrug. "If so, I don't mind her bewitching me," he said. "I have benefited enough from it. Like …" He searched for a good example. "Like meeting Ludwig and Antonio." As soon as he said that second name, he looked down and bit his lips. Antonio... His chest suddenly hurt, but it was an old pain. When had he last thought about his former boyfriend?

Gilbert didn't immediately comment that either. Not even when Roderich looked up, avoiding Gilbert's gaze at first and rather watching Ludwig wiping his hands before he took out his cell phone and, with a rare smile on his lips and in his eyes, answered a text.

"You know, I'm not at all mad at him," Roderich whispered when the silence had become unbearably.

Gilbert only snorted.

"It's not his fault, and you know this just as well as I do," Roderich said. He was now looking at Gilbert, trying to be angry with him. "He didn't send those guys after me. It was … bad luck, that's all."

"So you still defend him?" Gilbert said flatly.

"So you still judge him for no reason?" Roderich replied.

"It isn't for no reason," Gilbert claimed. Still, he was blushing. Roderich did his best not to laugh at him. He knew what this was about. And somehow, he wanted to make Gilbert feel uncomfortable, for various reasons he didn't want to look too closely at.

"I know," Roderich said. He was smiling coldly. It wasn't like he minded. But it seemed to make Gilbert feel bad and as bad as that was, Roderich firmly believed Gilbert should feel bad about it. Antonio was a nice guy and had never treated him wrong and surely didn't deserved to be blamed here. Regardless of any possible feelings.

That was when Ludwig build himself up in front of Gilbert and—after almost stumbling over him because he had been looking at the screen of his cell phone—grumbled, "Shift!"

"Who're you texting?" Gilbert said instead of moving, before his glance fell on the still full bucket in his brother's hand that was threateningly raised a little. So he moved away from the door, not wanting to be soaked. Roderich already had made way. "Do you have a new girlfriend?" Gilbert still teased.

It earned him a well deserved splash of water in his direction, even though quite a bit actually hit him. "That's none of your business," Ludwig grumbled, his ears turning slightly pink.

"You've been texting all day lately," Gilbert grinned, ignoring his brother's last remark. "Who is she? Or he? Come on, tell me!" It looked to Roderich almost like Gilbert was glad to be able to change the topic.

"Our new neighbor," Ludwig said, more calmly now. "He has a lot of questions and I just help him getting used to living here more quickly. That's all."

"Is he cute?" Gilbert asked none the less.

Ludwig huffed. "As I said, none of your business," he said, but there was a little smile on his lips now. "I saw him first." He winked at Roderich, before he finally went inside, disappearing into the kitchen where he emptied the bucket from the sound of it.

Gilbert shook his head. "My baby brother is in love," he murmured. "The world will stop turning."

Roderich raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He just wondered how less Gilbert had been told about his brother's private life. But he assumed that Ludwig had always kept the most things to himself. The only reason why Roderich knew about some of the younger man's previous relationships was that he had been there when they had met, not because he had been told.

"Well, you're the one to talk," Roderich said eventually. He had only meant to win Gilbert's attention back from whatever he was wondering about, but after saying the words, he wondered why he had said that. He had acted like he would ignore what Gilbert had said to him about being in love with him for all eternity—well, or at least long enough until Gilbert either would forget about it or he could accept it without questioning.

"Huh?" Gilbert asked. The grin returned to his face. "Well, I'm me, I'm awesome. Ludwig's … well, awkward around people. He always has been." Then, Gilbert winked. "Besides, I have the better taste and usually get what I want."

Roderich thought about this. Then, after remembering going out with Ludwig he had to think some more to bring that together with the image of his brother Gilbert must to be having. It didn't really work. And one year should not be enough time for someone to change like that. Roderich shook his head.

He leaned forward to get a better look at Gilbert's face. As this wasn't sufficient, he also shifted a bit closer to him, until their knees almost touched. "I wonder if that's also true when you're jealous of your beloved's ex?" he whispered.

"I'm not jealous of that air-head," Gilbert huffed, his eyes locking with Roderich's. "Like I could ever be jealous of anything he is."

"I know. You're jealous of what he's to me, what he was," Roderich whispered. "But you're nothing like Antonio." He put a hand up to Gilbert's cheek. He didn't move it when it rested against the other man's pale, warm skin. But he was smiling, only partly because of the confused look on Gilbert's face. When he pulled his hand away, Roderich leaned forward even more, kissing Gilbert on the cheek.

Gilbert looked at him with big eyes.

"What?" Roderich asked. He had now leaned back and was watching Gilbert closely.

Gilbert smiled brightly. "I think, you're outside," he pointed out, ignoring that he had just been kissed.

Roderich looked up to see that he was sitting on the stone plates that made up the terrace and then up to see the sky above him and smiled. "I guess I am," he said calmly.

They looked at each other, before they both started to laugh.

点点点

"Why don't we invite the new neighbors over for barbecue sometime?" Gilbert asked. They were sitting on the terrace for dinner. Ludwig still spent most of the time at the grill instead of eating, but Gilbert and Roderich could enjoy their meals. Roderich was actually surprised by that. He hadn't thought he would enjoy a meal outside anytime soon.

"Because they just moved in and don't have time," Ludwig replied. It sounded like he wished his brother didn't return to this topic every five minutes.

"Then let's have a welcome to our neighborhood barbecue," Gilbert went on. "Come on, don't you want to see your new boyfriend?"

"You just want to see him," Ludwig grumbled.

Gilbert shrugged, cleaning the last bit of sausage and potato salad off his plate. "Well, duh, of course I want to." He rolled his eyes. "I have to see who my baby brother's crushing on."

"I'm not crushing on anyone." Even though he said it while with his back to them, his still very visibly red ears were still betraying him.

"Sure thing," Gilbert laughed.

罗马罗马

As soon as Lovino opened the rear door of his car, the little dog dashed out, barking happily and jumping up and down around him, tail wagging. Lovino had no idea why, but animals had always liked him. Even though he had heard that animals could feel it better then humans if one was a bad person. Maybe it was because he always treated animals nicely.

It wasn't far to the door of the house he had parked in front of. The owners had only moved in most recently, there wasn't even a name on the bell. Lovino smiled to himself. This was nice. Not as nice as his own new house, but nice and it did fit a family with two kids and a dog just fine in his opinion. He had proposed this house, so he felt that he had the right to be a little bit proud about it. He had even kept in mind to move the family to a part of town with good public schools.

The dog went almost mad with anticipation around Lovino when he pressed the bell. He could hear steps inside that caused the dog to bark happily and overall getting more nervous. The barks caused children inside to shout and, after two small pairs of feet had rushed to the door, it was opened. Lovino put a smile on his face. He was playing the nice uncle who had found their lost doggie after all.

"Kiba!" the two children cheered, as they flung themselves at the poor dog and hugged him. That stupid thing even wagged his tails at this and barked happier then ever, now newly reunited with his owners. Lovino smiled at the parents of the children who had stayed behind in the shadows of the hall, looking at him nervously.

"I found this little fellow wandering around the street," Lovino said. "Your address on his collar is wrong. Lucky for you the new owners knew where you moved to." He brushed over the boy's head. "Right?" These words sounded perfectly innocent and Lovino was really proud that they still made the parents flinch and exchange a nervous look. Good to know people feared him.

Both the boy and his little sister chimed in happy agreement, still too busy with petting and hugging and generally fussing over their once-lost best friend to pay the adults much attention.

"I hope he didn't cause you much trouble," the father said, his voice barely shaking. "Thank you for bringing him back to us."

Lovino smiled at that. "He didn't cause any trouble at all," he said. He hoped that the parents could hear the warning in his tone. "He behaved perfectly fine, as anyone could expect from a good … dog. Just take care of him. We don't want him get lost again, do we? Next time, I might not be there to bring him back."

This caused the mother shift closer to the husband, before she got a grip on herself again and walked a bit unsteadily to her children, taking the boy by his shoulder to push him inside. "Thank you for your kindness," she said, unable to look Lovino in the eye. She wasn't as composed as her husband but still keeping it together rather well. "I don't want to waste any more of your precious time here." Now, she was more determined in ushering her children back inside and was relieved that they complied when her husband whistled for the dog and they followed their pet inside.

"What lovely kids you have," Lovino couldn't help but saying. "Take care of yourselves." He turned around, satisfied with the horrified looks on the parents' faces. It was good they knew what would happen if they tried to get at him. As he walked to the car and waved the kids good-bye, he could hear the boy call him a very nice man.

Lovino was laughing to himself all the drive back.

点点点

There was the smell of food being cooked in the air when Lovino arrived at their new house that evening. He could hear noises from the kitchen and his stupid brother singing a sappy love song. Smiling, he dropped his things to be put away later and walked into the kitchen, to see why he couldn't recognize the smell of whatever his brother was cooking.

"What's for dinner?" Lovino asked, peering curiously into the pan boiling on the stove. There was some yellow-ish goo bubbling inside, nothing he could recognize and he wasn't sure, but he suspected to see some bits of unknown origin inside.

"I'm trying out a new recipe," Feliciano chimed. He handed a spoon to Lovino. "Try it!"

Carefully, Lovino dipped the spoon inside the pan, then letting drip off most of the goo back into the pan, before he brought the spoon to his mouth and gave it a scrutinizing lick. "What is this?" he asked. It tasted a bit like potatoes and then there was something else. He didn't have the heart to tell it Feliciano but the weird consistency still freaked him out a bit after tasting it.

"Stew," Feliciano chimed. "Do you like it? Is it good? Please, tell me I cooked it well."

Lovino sighed inwardly. It didn't match his taste, but it wasn't that bad. Actually, if it weren't for the potatoes, he would probably love it. "It's good," he lied, smiling at his enthusiastic little brother. "Where did you get the recipe?"

Lovino could be imagining things but he could have sworn his brother blushed at the question. "One of our neighbors gave it to me when I told him I didn't know what to make for dinner. He said he cooked this a day or two ago and his family really liked it. So I wanted to give it a try," Feliciano burst out, speaking even faster than usual and clearly about to burst from wanting to tell Lovino something else, something, he knew Lovino wouldn't be much interested in but that still was very important to him.

"The guy you met in the supermarket the other day?" Lovino asked. He didn't want his little brother to implode after all.

Feliciano let out a relieved sigh. He was nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, him," he beamed. "He even gave me his number when we met again there."

Lovino nodded. That sounded so nice. "How luck you are," he said, making it clear to dumb little Feliciano that he was trying very hard to hide a smile. "You should ask him out on a date eventually." Whoever this guy was, if he could make his little brother happy, he couldn't be half bad.

Blushing, Feliciano shook his head. "I can't," he said, his smile dropping. "I don't even know if he's gay or not. What if he's already dating a beautiful girl and will hate me for asking him out? I'm sure there are many girls who like him, he's so cute and nice and handsome..."

Lovino patted his brother's shoulder. "Don't get yourself worked up about it before you even tried," he said. He really hated it to see Feliciano close to tears about someone else. Thinking about his own boy-friend, he added, "Even if he is seeing someone, that doesn't mean you can't still win him over." After all, he himself had.

"Do you really think so?" Feliciano asked. His face was already lighting up again.

Lovino nodded. He considered to tell the story about how he had won Antonio over but then again, it was really a bad idea and he shouldn't bother Feliciano with it. After all, kidnapping the rival and charming the object of one's desire by all means possible—which included spying and bullying people around them—wasn't something he would advise Feliciano to do. Right now, the only times Feliciano had been in conflict with the law were speed regulations and other traffic violations. Lovino intended on keeping it that way.

So, instead, he said, "I'm sure about it. As soon as he tastes your cooking, he'll fall for you for sure. Especially if you make this go—stew or whatever it is for him."

"So you really think I did well on the stew?" Feliciano asked. "You know, I changed the recipe a bit and added bacon bits instead..." Feliciano started to babble about what he had done to what he thought would improve the dish to which Lovino only nodded politely. He wasn't that interested in cooking but even he could tell that the best way to improve the goo was to pour it down the drain and order take-away. Saying this out loud would definitely break Feliciano's heart so Lovino just kept nodding along his brother's babbling.

"Let's just eat, okay," Lovino proposed after a while when he couldn't take the constant flow of words—especially the word potato—his brother was throwing at him. He'd rather eat the whole pan on his own that to get the fully life-story of its contents in the extended version. When Feliciano nodded and filled two plates with the goo, Lovino nudged him and said, "When you meet your new boyfriend next time, tell him I would love to get to know him and simply invite him over, will you?"

Feliciano giggled. "I promise, I will," he said with a longing sigh full of badly concealed affection."If he doesn't invite us first. He hinted that he liked barbecues and wouldn't mind having guests occasionally." He smiled brightly the dumbfounded Lovino. "I just wanted to check if you're alright with me dating a guy who likes your least favorite vegetable."

Feliciano giggled all the way as he walked over with their plates to the dinning table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feliciano is cooking a potato-and-leek stew. This hasn't any deeper meaning. I just like it and picked it because it's mostly made of potatoes.


End file.
